Being single can suck. But it really, really shouldn't. When you're single and unattached, you'll have the most time and opportunity to grow and expand your identity. You can discover more about yourself, and figure out what you need in a partner. You can start living your happy single life now if you're ready to take advantage of it!

You may feel worried about your biological clock or keeping up with the Jones'. Still, in reality, you're living the life that most are envious of. You're unattached, and most importantly, you're growing. You're not wasting time on things that weigh you down. So make the most of this unique part of your life because before you know it, it may be gone for good.

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Being lonely vs. being alone

Being lonely and being alone are two very different things.

Social media certainly doesn't help that.

Being lonely is when you actually feel isolated. You feel like you're lacking in human attention or missing someone from your life. Meanwhile, being alone is simply a statement of fact. You're not with anyone.

You're by yourself.

And when you're by yourself, you can be your most authentic self. 

Regardless of how comfortable you may have felt with an ex, you still likely dampened your personality and made your quirks more digestible for them. 

These are normal parts of a relationship. But how did those affect your relationship with yourself?

Take a minute and actually think about that. 

When was the last time you thought about your relationship with yourself?

As discussed in my How to Date Yourself article, spending time alone can be a massively empowering experience.

You get to be self-full, not selfish.

You don't have to answer or accommodate anyone else.

If anything, once you embrace it, you'll feel the freest you ever have. 

If you're still learning to embrace being single, that's okay. Learning to live a happy single life can take time. It's not something you're taught to do.

If you were lucky, you were taught how to date. But in reality, you were taught how to please other people.

Know what we say?

Fuck them.

This time is all about you, for you, and by you.

Let's get started planning your happy single life. 

Tips on how to be happy when you're single

Many of these may sound obvious, and some may sound daunting. They're all-powerful suggestions you can take, edit, and adjust as you see fit. It's entirely up to you how to cultivate your happy single life. Remember that you have all the decision-making power in your relationship with yourself. So embrace it and lean into it. 

Tip #1: Focus on the benefits of being single

It's easy to get bogged down worrying about whether you're living up to societal norms and standards.

You see everyone "happy" on Facebook and compare your life to theirs, feeling like you're lacking. The vast majority of those relationships are generally unhappy. Either one or both of those individuals is being stifled in some way. Some significant and less apparent benefits of being single are:

You can focus on your health -  When you're in a relationship, people tend to gain weight, go out less, and stall their self-development. When you're unattached, you can easily craft a healthy diet around food without considering anyone else. You can sign up for that spin class you've been wanting to try without checking how that'll impact your partner's schedule. You can do whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want. 

You can do weird shit all the time - Well, maybe less so if you have roommates, but you can be as weird as you want when alone. Love watching Netflix in dirty old boxer shorts from middle school? Do the shit out of it. Want to sing loudly to ABBA while you're mopping? Hell yes, bitch. You get to do all the "weird" stuff that makes you, you. The more you do stuff that makes you feel fulfilled, the more fulfilled you'll be!

You get to spend all your money on yourself - In a relationship, you may have to cope with someone irresponsible with money. Or they may have a big family you're constantly buying presents for or something like that. When you're single, you can decide what you do with every last dollar. So buy the damn shoes, get the new dress, and invest in your hobby. Your money is all about making you happy. Because money can actually help you buy happiness. 

Tip #2: Spend time on your interests

Hobbies, interests, whatever intrigues you and makes you want to learn or do more.

Hobbies are a crucial part of your self-development.

For example, think about how you describe yourself in high school.

You likely bring up groups you were in, teams you were on, or other similar things.

So why has that stopped?

Why have you stopped spending time on things you're interested in and passionate about?

If you try the excuse of "oh I don't know anyone who is into that."

Girl, you've got Google.

You can always find like-minded groups of people or classes to help you learn more that you're passionate about. We love Edx.org and Coursera for all the free or low-cost online courses they provide. 

Tip #3: Spend time with friends or make new ones

Single people are often the more outgoing and desire to meet new people.

You're more likely to find a group of single women who want to join you for a cocktail and book club than one's in relationships.

So if you need or want new friends, get yourself out there!

See if you can find meetup groups, Facebook groups, or events that pique your interest. Finding your tribe is critical to self-development because you deserve a whole army of cheerleaders.

If you've already got friends, then spend more time with them! Instead of doing the same things as always, plan a picnic, hike, or go to an event together. You could try classes, museums, or new hobbies together as well.

Fostering your friend network will help you feel better attuned with yourself and the world around you. Also, you'll have a supportive squad when you start dating again! They can help you choose an outfit or help check out a guy's profile before you potentially waste your time. 

Tip #4: Cultivate your perfect oasis

Your home is where your heart is.

As you likely have noticed, objects and rooms become associated with specific activities and tasks. So, take the time you need to cultivate a space that makes you feel relaxed, comfortable, and like yourself. 

Certain things are really critical here:

Make sure your bed is for sleeping and sex only - When you start doing other things in your bedroom or close to your bed, you'll notice it's more difficult to sleep at night. By making your room cozy and relaxing, you'll sleep better. So find a good aromatherapy machine, a good speaker system, and a stack of books you enjoy reading.

Clean up your kitchen - A healthy lifestyle starts with a healthy kitchen. Clean out your old junk food and spices. Fill your shelves with things you know how to make and use regularly. If you're not much of a cook, commit to learning one type of basic cuisine and build your kitchen around that. Examples include Italian, Mexican, slow cooking, Instapot recipes, or even baking!

Does it spark joy? - The infamous Marie Kondo phrase should follow you from room to room as you're redecorating or cleaning things out. If you're hanging onto old things (like an ex's shirt) that doesn't spark joy, get rid of them. Clutter brings stress and poor concentration, so toss it out! Donate your things to a local Goodwill or survivors of domestic violence shelter. You'll feel better all around. 

Once you've gutted the place, choose a simple color scheme to make shopping easy. Choose 1-2 neutrals and 1-2 core colors. That way, when you're looking for things, you know immediately if it fits into your color palette or not. This eliminates impulse shopping and reduces the amount of stuff that doesn't spark joy or make your home feel hectic. 

Tip #5: Do unusual things

Who is the more interesting person here:

Person A: works a 9-5, watches Netflix, and loves take-out food.

Person B: works a 9-5, goes hiking on the weekends, and attends local art shows.

Who would you rather talk to?

Likely person B.

Why?

People who do unusual things are more attractive.

They have more stories to tell, advice to give, and exciting perspectives. We're attracted to big personalities. It's a natural human inclination.

So, dream up who you want to be. How you want to be perceived, the energy you want to give off and attract. Then backward design your life from the woman you want to be and figure out how to start living more like her. 

Pick one or more "unusual" things you want to commit to this month, then start doing them!

You'll find you have a lot more to add to conversations and feel more confident. 

Some unusual things you can try are: 

Take an overnight trip with no technology - Use a map and a CD player to figure out where you're going. Turn off your phone, leave it in your back seat, and commit to following your heart (and gut). Stay in a weird motel and try the local grub! That will guarantee you a memorable story and experience. 

Join a polar bear club -  If you live somewhere where it gets cold and there's water, this may be your new thing. Polar bear clubs meet to go for a freezing swim, usually in the morning but occasionally at night. Doing this is supposed to improve your health in many ways, but it's also a fun way to challenge yourself.

Find a Hash group - It's likely not what you're thinking. The motto of Hashers is "drinkers with a running/walking problem." These are usually large groups of people who enjoy drinking, walking/running, and adventures. Secret paths are created, beers are consumed, rules are broken, and unforgettable memories are made.

Tip #6: Remember you won't be single forever

You're going to meet someone, you know that. So take advantage of this time and cultivate a lasting and strong relationship with yourself.

You deserve to be happy regardless of your relationship status.

Being single is just a layover to a lifelong commitment and deep, meaningful, romantic attachments. 

If you're feeling isolated and lonely, there are plenty of support groups and coaches you can talk to. Doing this can help change your perspective on your single-ness. 

If you're unhappy alone, no one else will be able to make you happy. So embrace who you are, lean into your shade of weirdness, and step confidently into whatever you're trying this week.

Do you need a dating coach?

If you're reading this, you're likely a self-starter excited about this phase in your life. Or, you're in a rough patch mental health-wise and know you need support.

Whatever it is, you're in the right place.

I am here to support you on your journey to a relationship.

Having lived a life like yours for many years, I understand the ups and downs of being single.

Excuses aren't always plentiful, and it isn't always a straight path toward happiness. 

Get in contact with me when you're ready to push yourself and start enjoying your single life. Because you deserve to feel good all the time.  

“ ‘ I’m single’ means I’m drama free, less stressed and I refuse to settle for less.”

— Unknown

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