Online dating has been around since the 1990s when the internet started to become commonplace. Before online dating, there were personal ads, speed dating events, and places where you could try to meet someone special. But with your phone constantly in your hand, the prospect of meeting mister right seems like it's just a few swipes away. But try as you might, as many swipes as you swipe, you just can't seem to find the "one," but why is that?

With the advent of online dating have come numerous gripes from women who feel like online dating is a part-time job. Truth be told, it does take time. But often, many of these complaints are shared but not founded in facts. We've compiled a list of your most common complaints and their relevant stats to show you there is still hope for online dating.

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Complaint: I can't find any quality guys on dating apps

There could be a reason for this.

At least in the United States, a survey conducted in late 2019 showed that only about 30%-40% of adults had tried using a dating site or app to meet people. 

When the Pew Research Center broke down the numbers from the survey, they found that nearly half of respondents between 18-29 years old had tried online dating before. However, for those above 65 years old, only about 13% of them had tried online dating.

A separate study conducted by the Kaspersky daily found that as many as 1-in-3 people are currently dating online.

What does this mean?

Perhaps the person you're looking for isn't online dating. Or maybe they're on another app. Or perhaps they've deleted their app for the 20th time just like you. 

Suggestion: You’re on the wrong app

The app you choose to go hunting on will greatly influence your potential matches. Do your research to find out where the type of man you’re looking for will likely hang out. 

Also, be willing to try and app and delete it! Some may work for you while others don’t and that’s okay. 

Complaint: There are too many dating apps to choose from

You're not wrong. We've all heard of famous dating apps like Tinder and Match.com, but have you heard of the other 5,000+ apps out there?

That's right.

There are more than 5,000 dating platforms worldwide, with at least 2,500 in the U.S. alone!

Many of these sites have begun to focus on niche areas and platforms. After all, who could forget FarmersOnly.com?

Suggestion: Only use 1-2 apps at a time

Yes, this may take a while to narrow down your app options. But if you spread yourself too thin across tons of dating platforms it’ll show. You won’t update your pictures often enough, you won’t respond to messages, and your form will get sloppy in general.

Commit to trying 1 application every 2-4 weeks to see which ones are right for you.

Complaint: Swiping takes too much time

People are always on their phones these days. Perhaps you swipe when you're bored on your lunch break or while waiting for your friends at a bar. 

On average, Badoo found that online daters under 30 years old spent about 10 hours per week swiping on their dating apps. 

Women spent an average of 7.6 minutes on each swiping binge. Meanwhile, single men lasted about 9.7 minutes. 

Suggestion: Swipe less

Well, put limits on your swiping time. It’s easy to just keep swiping away instead of sending messages to your previous matches. Instead, set a timer and only spend a few minutes swiping each day. Use the rest of your time to follow up with your current matches!

Complaint: Everyone on there is so young/old!

Perhaps you're not choosing suitable applications. Or maybe you need to adjust your settings. The most popular apps should have a full array. However, Gen Z and millennials seem to be leading the pack in using online dating apps to find their potential match. The Kaspersky security company found that 63% of online daters are single professionals with full-time gigs. On average, their age was 33.8 years old. 

So if that's not in your comfort zone, perhaps find a more niche dating app.

Suggestion: Age is just a number

But an important one. Decide how old is too old and how young is too young for you. After all, you’ll want to have things in common with your potential match.

Make sure you check the age range settings on each app so you’re only getting people you might actually be interested in. 

Complaint: Dudes on apps just want to hook-up

Online dating has become a normal part of life for most people. According to one study, people are online dating for various reasons. Some are more genuine than others. About 48% say they do it for fun and entertainment. To be fair, it's a great way to burn part of your lunch break.

Meanwhile, about 13% of people said they're just looking for sex. 

On Bumble, an app that empowers single women tends to attract more people looking for a serious relationship. About 1% of women on Bumble said they were looking for a hook-up. Only about 4% of users on there said they were trying to find casual sex. 

About 80% of Bumble users' ultimate goal was to get into a committed relationship.

Suggestion: Be more selective

More selective about the apps you're using since many are more geared towards hook-ups. Be more selective about the guys you match with, is your fuck-boi meter working? Be more selective with the messages you respond to - “Hi” isn’t exactly a conversation starter no matter how attractive they are.

Complaint: No one dates online these days

With the rise in online dating, the Kinsey Institute has been trying to stay ahead. 

In 2020 they conducted the largest survey of women's usage of sex-tech. They wanted to know how technology impacted women's sex and love lives worldwide. Of the over 130,00 respondents, they found that the women of Oceania were the most prevalent on online dating apps. Roughly 1 in 3 said they were currently using online dating apps to meet people.

Suggestion: Maybe online dating isn’t great for you

Online dating really isn’t for everyone and that’s okay! If you’re feeling pessimistic about online dating, spend more time working on yourself and your self-confidence before putting yourself back out there. There’s no reason to approach these apps with negativity!

Complaint: No one meets their husband/wife on Tinder

You may be surprised to find out that online dating is the most popular way to meet your future spouse.

Specifically in the U.S., the number of newlyweds who said they met online has been rising steadily. 

According to a survey conducted by The Knot, within the last year, 22% of newlywed respondents said they met their spouse online. 

Meanwhile, only 19% met their partner through friends and 17% at work. 

Suggestion: Read up on feel-good stories

There are plenty of people who meet their future life partner online!

Spend some time reading up on other people’s online dating experiences that have had positive outcomes to make you feel more hopeful.

Complaint: All the guys on dating apps are deadbeats

Actually, you might just be finding the deadbeats. In 2019 Statica wanted to find out the income levels of the people using online dating to meet people. While 34% of users made less than $30,00, roughly 28% had an income of over $75,00 per year. 

So if you're looking for someone with a substantial income, online dating is a great way to run into them!

Suggestion: Be pickier

Be pickier but pickier with a purpose. What do we mean? Spend time figuring out the type of man you want to attract and have in your life. Then be careful when going through a guy’s pictures. Remember that everyone tries to make themselves more attractive, richer, and more interesting than they really are.

Complaint: I'm too old to be on dating apps

Well, the statistics may not be in your favor here. According to eHarmony, women 21 years old and heterosexual receive the most attention from male users. Women in their 20s have the highest rates of messages and likes. 

However, as time goes on, something interesting happens. Men catch up with women regarding desirability in their late 40s. "At 26, women have more online pursuers than men whereas, at 48, men have twice as many online pursuers as women." 

In 2014 Plenty of Fish reported similar findings. In the same year, women in their mid-twenties got about 14% more messages than other users. Unfortunately, women who were about 33 received the fewest messages. 

When looking for a mate, play to your strengths and know where your crowd is. 

Suggestion: Join a more serious dating site

If you feel like you're “too old” for dating apps, then try some of the old-fashioned dating sites instead!

If you feel like you’re out of your depth on Tinder or whatever, your perfect match might feel the same!

Hop on one of the old-school services like eHarmony to see if your luck changes.

Complaint: There aren't any guys using dating apps!

That isn't the truth. According to an eHarmony study, their users were over 52% men and 47% women, but of course, this varies based on location. 

For example, about 55% of the people of New York State report that they are single. Unsurprisingly New York has the most eHarmony users of any state. 

Meanwhile, about 60% of respondents are already married in places like Idaho.

Make sure you're using the correct type of dating app and that you're being patient. 

Suggestion: Take a break

Apps only have so many potential matches, and you only have so much potential matching energy. If you feel like there aren’t any quality matches, widen your search zone. Long-distance isn’t so bad and if it means meeting a high-quality guy then it’ll be worth the drive!

Complaint: People always lie on dating apps

You are actually correct. About 53% of people lie on their dating profiles. A global survey done by Opinionmatters found that 20% of women used a photo from when they were younger and thinner. About 40% of respondents said they lied about their job or where they worked to sound more successful and wealthier. 

According to OkCupid, male users lied about their height by about 2 inches on average. Also, they found that people often make about 20% less income than their dating profile claims. 

Another common lie that both men and women are guilty of is a big one. That your dating profile is "just for fun." About 36% of men and 31% of women have admitted to lying. Apparently, this is to take some of the pressure off?

Suggestion: Be honest on yours

Yes, everyone else might lie, that doesn’t mean you have to! Be honest, transparent, and yourself in your profile. Doing this you should be able to attract someone who is also genuine and thus a great match for you. Change the standard to one of honesty and integrity!

Complaint: I never know what to say on those things

Sending the first message to a match can feel daunting. How much do you say? What do you say? OkCupid dug through its user data and found some key first message tips.

• The right length for a first message is about 1-2 sentences long. Or between 40-90 characters in total

• First messages should contain interest or hobby-based words such as musician, vegan, favorite film, etc

• You Get a lower response rate from physical compliments such as sexy, attractive, etc. 

• Generic "hi" and "hello" is a thing of the past. People respond more to unique greetings such as hola, aloha, or howdy.

Suggestion: Make a first response message bank

In the “Notes” section of your phone, come up with a few really good questions that you can ask a guy to break the ice. If you’re into statistics, then track the level of positive or negative responses too! Having a few options in your back pocket when you’re not feeling creative is a great way to break the ice without having to think too hard.

Complaint: I don't want to make a dating profile!

We feel you. With so many websites and shops requiring you to make online profiles, who has time for it anymore?

Well, your profile reflects who you are and emphasizes your best qualities. One survey done by eHarmony found that women tend to use more photos than men. The most successful dating profiles across the board had four or more pictures. You can check out my writing guide here. Also my dating app picture guide here.

Some other crucial tips are:

• Photo quality reflects the effort you're willing to put in - posting low-quality, dark, or blurry photos shows you are likely to waste time. Low-quality photos may also give the impression that you're likely to be misleading or less than honest. 

• Selfies aren't actually ideal. People who use selfies as part of their dating profiles are less likely to get matches. Apparently, most users find that selfies remove the sense of authenticity and spontaneity many look for in those photos. 

• You need to stand out. Group photos aren't popular on dating apps. If your pictures are all of you with other people, it's pretty clear you don't have space in your life for a potential partner. It also shows that you're putting obstacles to getting the right swipe. Also, suppose you're in a group of people who are also attractive. In that case, they may become less likely to match you because they find the other people in the picture more attractive. If you're going to be in a group photo, make sure you stand out. Wear bright colors and try to be the main focus of the picture

Suggestion: Hire a dating coach

That’s what people like me are here to do!

Making countless dating profiles may feel daunting, but with the help of a dating coach you’ll have someone to bounce ideas off of, who can help you create back-up plans, and draft the perfect “welcome to my profile” message.

Work smart, not hard!

Complaint: I'm too nervous about meeting up in person

Don't worry. Studies have found that about half of Gen Z singles during the pandemic had video dates. In 2020 about 29% of millennials said they had a video date during lockdown.

This is also a great way to help stay safe before meeting up with a potential match. It saves you time if you're not compatible (or if they've been lying) and shows you the other person's willingness to create time for you. 

Suggestion: Have a first date online

Like we said, having a video date has become a normal thing! That way you have time to get to know the person without leaving your house so you don’t waste your time. 

Complaint: I can never find anyone good!

You have to invest time and energy to get something out of dating in general and online dating. According to Match.com, a survey showed that people had very high dating standards. About 84% of survey respondents said they were selective about first dates in today's economy. 

This makes sense because with the skyrocketing prices of just about anything, the average date night costs at least $116.

Of course, this will vary significantly based on location. But another study found that 80% of men believe they should pay for dinner. Meanwhile, only about 55% of women agree with this, and about 34% of women feel that splitting the bill is the best option. 

Suggestion: Swipe selectively

If you message every potential match, you’ll be flooded with useless and boring conversations. Instead, swipe selectively on guys you’re actually genuinely interested in.

Someone you think is interested and that you’d like to get to know. Not just a pretty face.

Complaint: Online dating feels like a part-time job

You're far from alone in that. It does take time and effort, but if you do it with some planning and forethought, you're likely to have a much better experience. About 57% of online daters found they had a good experience overall. With almost 14% of people saying it was very positive. 

Also, most people dating online are optimistic about the odds of meeting someone. 

Suggestion: Spend your time wisely

Setting limits on your app usage can be really helpful in the long run. Online dating is more of a marathon than a sprint if you’re looking for a real relationship. Set a small window for daily swiping and a few small windows each day to respond to potential matches. That way you can sustain the energy needed for online dating. 

Resources

If you or someone you know has had a negative or even dangerous interaction with a guy you’ve met on a dating app, you’re not alone. Sexual assault statistics are rising and too many women are left alone and overwhelmed by the traumatizing experience. If you need help please contact the Helping Survivors organization. You can also check out some of their online dating safety tips.

Online dating and dating coaching

Online dating really isn't for everyone.

But, if you're looking for love, it's worth giving it a shot.

It may seem daunting and like a lot of work. Still, a return on your investment comes with work, and it helps widen the dating pool without you even having to get out of your pajamas! 

If it all seems too overwhelming, you may need some help from a dating coach. Get in contact with me today if you're ready to start the hunt for your mister right.

“Online dating is just as murky as finding a used car. Once you learn the lingo, it’s easier to spot the models with no warranty.”

— Laurie Perry

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