What is a Self-care Menu? Why you need one and how it can help you avoid depressive episodes
The self-care menu is something that I came up with myself to help me cope with depressive episodes.
That's right, even a coach can have depressive episodes.
But the menu is one of the many coping mechanisms which help me get through dark and challenging times.
Just what a self-care menu is, you'll have to keep reading to find out.
By the end of this article, you'll have yet another healthy coping mechanism in your pocket. These self-care menus can help you get through the challenging parts of life easily.
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What is self-care?
Self-care is all the rage these days.
It's something on everyone's minds and lips, much the way it should be, in my not-so-humble opinion.
Self-care is an act of service and love that you do for yourself.
They may bring you relaxation, joy, or calm. Whatever you're looking for, there is something you can do to help you find it.
Everyone's definition and understanding of self-care is unique, just like your self-care menu will be too.
So don't worry if you have yet to learn what self-care looks like to you. I've got plenty of ideas for you to choose from.
What are self-care menus?
A self-care menu is exactly what it sounds like. It's a collection of self-care activities that you have to choose from.
Much like an actual menu at a restaurant, I split it up into a few categories:
Low-effort - Usually, things you can do around your home with very little preparation or thought. Think of these as the bread and butter that arrive as soon as you sit down.
Medium-effort - Acts of personal service or kindness that may involve a little more time and effort. Think of these as appetizers. They can be your entire meal or a fabulous snack before your main course.
High-effort - These usually require you to leave the house, reorganize, or put in a few hours of your time. These are the meat-and-potatoes activities that will give you the biggest dopamine boost. Memories that you can reflect back on for years to come.
How you classify each one of your self-care items is 1000% up to you.
Each item on my self-care menu is strategically chosen to help me get a little dopamine. Dopamine is the feel-good pleasure chemical your brain releases from hugs, sex, and even drugs. But there are countless other places you can find dopamine in your daily life.
There are just a few things you need to know before you can start crafting your self-care menu.
Why you need a self-care menu
You may have depression, anxiety, burnout, or a bad day. Your self-care menu is there to help avoid decision fatigue.
We all get it sometimes. It can feel overwhelming or challenging to think of helpful things when you're burnt out, exhausted, and depressed.
Creating a self-care menu and having it with you is a helpful way to support yourself. It can also help you support your friends as well!
If they've had a bad day and need help, you can be their source of inspiration.
Or, as a weekend inspiration list! Perhaps you're looking for something fun on the weekend. Your high-effort items can spark inspiration to have an even more fabulous weekend outing.
Whatever works for you and your lifestyle!
How to create a self-care menu
Creating a self-care menu is a very personal thing. Unfortunately, you can't hire someone to do it for you. But you can use other places and people as inspiration to add to it.
Just like the definition of self-care is individual, so is your understanding of the effort spectrum.
Use these categories in a manner that works for you. Consider your time, resources, and energy level when you're sorting things out.
Just because I put it in the "high effort" doesn't mean it should go on your list.
Ask yourself where it fits best for you right now, then feel free to change it later as you see fit.
I've broken down each self-care area into example menus for you.
I've also included more details to help you understand what each category should reflect.
As always, move things around, add options, delete items, and make it work for you!
In sex and dating coaching, it's all about flexibility and customization. This is why only one coaching solution will work for some. Spend some time and really work on this.
Please keep it in your phone or fold it in your wallet, so you've always got it.
Low-effort self-care menu
Low-effort items should be, as it sounds, low-effort.
They should be things you can do around your house directly on your commute home or while sitting at your workspace.
Low-effort items may not sound consequential or helpful at first. But how you frame and think about them really does matter. They'll start to charge you more when you perceive things as "self-care" rather than just part of your to-do list. So think of these and the self-care appetizers that you can have several of to make a complete meal. Or they can just be used to whet your appetite.
Low-effort self-care menu inspiration
Take a shower
Do a face mask
Pet your animal or your neighbor's animal
Hug yourself
Spend 3 minutes meditating
Wash 1 dish
Cross 1 thing off your to-do list
Make super easy to-do lists
Watch an episode of a childhood TV show you love
Spend some time looking at a plant
Drink a glass of water
Read one page of a book
Look up 5 motivational quotes
Do 5 jumping jacks
Doing these little things, again, may not feel helpful initially. But when you're in a place of overwhelm or burnout, it's the littlest things that matter the most.
Medium-effort self-care menu
Ah, the liminal space of your self-care menu. These things can take up a little more time or require you to leave your house. Again, what is a medium effort for me will differ from you. But that's okay! All I can do is provide examples and definitions as a jumping-off point. You've got this.
Medium-effort self-care inspiration
Plan a date with a friend, partner, or loved one
Brainstorm vacation ideas (whether you have the money or not, the research can be fun)
Offer to walk someone's dog (or walk your own)
Go to the local plant shop and grab a new plant buddy
Go for a walk in the sunlight for at least 20 minutes
Spend some time in nature
Do a more extended meditation
Take a bubble bath
Buy a new book
Look into learning a new skill
Do a fine motor skill-based task like legos, knitting, or painting
Clean one part of your house
Reorganize one space
Go for a drive alone while listening to music or a happy podcast
Find a new educational show on Netflix (or whatever streaming service you use)
These medium-effort menus often come with a higher payout. They should give you a slightly bigger dopamine boost.
Try to choose items that will help move you slightly forward in your life in some way. Planning, learning, moving, all of it matters. You're succeeding one step at a time, just like everyone else.
High-effort self-care menu items
High-effort self-care menu items are intended to give you the most significant boost of dopamine and self-love. Choose activities that get you out of your physical space or help you make changes to your home positively. These aren't intended for daily activities. Rather, they're great for special "self-care treat" days, such as on your solo dates. These are great to help boost your sense of personal intimacy as well. Taking the time to invest your energy in yourself pays off a thousandfold.
High-effort self-care menu inspiration
Reorganize your storage spaces in your apartment
Go to a home or apartment viewing
Go swimming in a natural source of water
Take yourself shopping and spoil yourself with a new sex toy or something that sparks the erotic in you
Buy new bedsheets that inspire your desired bedroom feelings
Go on a solo date
Go for a professional massage or facial
Attend an exercise or educational class
Plan a night out with friends, family, or other loved ones
Go to an animal shelter and volunteer to play with the animals for the day
Go to your nearest nature preserve or national park and hike or spend time in nature
Start a new hobby like beekeeping, painting, pottery, or whatever floats your boat
As you can tell, high-effort self-care items aren't for daily indulgence generally. These are for when you really want to devote the time and energy to an area of self-improvement.
Your perspective while doing these things is the most critical part. Even more vital than doing the damn thing!
Don't treat it like an "ugh, I have to do this for my mental health and well-being."
Try and perceive them as "I get to treat myself to XYZ, and this is my happy place. Go me!"
Or something along those lines that suits your inner dialogue.
Why having a self-care menu is important
Self-care menus aren't a necessity for everyone. But they're helpful for pretty much everyone I've spoken to or worked with. It's just another way to take things off your plate. It's about conserving your limited brain space. Also, it's about creating a healthy inner support system to support your well-being.
You're your own best friend, and you're important in this world. Just like everyone else, you deserve to be taken care of. So please do it for yourself as often as you can.
Self-care menus and coaching
Yes, I've mentioned it before. This is a standard part of all of my coaching practices. It gives my clients and friends a resource when feeling down, lonely, or depressed. Also, as a way to treat themselves. Doing this will help you fill your cup drop by drop, so you can have more to give later on.
If you found this helpful, let me know what your favorite self-care menu items are!
I'm always happy to add to the list!
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret to getting started is breaking your overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
— Mark Twain
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