Your sex life has become meh. You've looked at items in sex shops. You've read articles in Cosmo. You're not getting the results you want. You want to know how to have better sex. Maybe it's better sex in a marriage, or you want to have better sex with yourself.

There isn't a magic pill to improve the quality of your sex life, regrettably. But there are 6 simple steps I recommend as a Clinical Sexologist that you can implement today.

There is only one answer to having better sex now and for the rest of your life. You need to make lifestyle changes. Exercise, routine, self-development, a healthy diet, masturbation, and meditation can all help improve your sex life.

At Sex With Elaine, there are specific lifestyle shifts I suggest to every client. They're backed by scientific and personal research. These small changes can seriously change the quality of the sex you're having.

You'll start seeing results immediately by bringing harmony between your body, mind, and sense of self.

All products recommended are personally selected by me, Elaine S. Turner. I choose them and genuinely believe in them. However, this article may contain affiliate links. That means if you use that link to buy a product, I may earn a small affiliate commission, or tip, as I like to see it. You can learn more here if you have any questions about my affiliate policy.

1 - Exercise for better sex

Exercise improves your blood flow, cardiovascular health, and self-image.

Improved blood flow means that arousal will come faster, more naturally, and will become more intense. Whether male, female, or otherwise, exercising will increase your sex drive.

Increased arousal means that you'll notice an increase in your sexual appetite and libido. Erections will come faster and be more robust. Vaginal tenting and clitoral erections will happen more quickly.

You may even have additional lubrication.

Exercises for better sex should be focused on cardiovascular improvements and pelvic floor muscles.

If you want to start exercising for better sex, try these:

Planking
Kegel exercises at least 1-3 times per day
Walking, jogging, bicycling, swimming, or running
Core exercises
Yoga
Mountain climbing
Pelvic thrust exercises

If you're in a relationship, you can suggest exercising with your partner! Doing things together will help bring you closer through experiential intimacy. Which doubles your chances of improving your sex life together.

If you're not in a relationship, you can find a sex-workout buddy to help keep you motivated.

2 - Routines for better sex

Yes, it sounds counterintuitive.

Most people learn that spontaneity is the gold standard.

Especially if you're living with a partner, it can be hard to find time to be intimate.

Creating and following reliable routines can benefit your sex life.

Creating a stable routine lets you know when you'll have downtime to relax and be together. Or to work on self-development, swiping on dating apps, or going on dates.

Establishing and maintaining routines can also help you with your sense of self-reliance and trust.

By making new routines and following them, you'll train your brain and subconscious that you're reliable and worth trusting. This sense of self-trust will help you feel more confident in your life and the bedroom.

If you want to start establishing new routines, here are a few suggestions:

Set goals: Start with a concrete vision of your destination and where you're going. Having an image in mind will keep you motivated.
Baby steps for the win: Start small to create lasting change. If you want to lose twenty pounds or run a mile a day, but you're in poor shape, then start with twice-weekly morning walks. If you start big, you're likely to disappoint yourself.
Start when you wake up: Make your bed as soon as you wake up. Then, listen or say morning affirmations to help start your day positively. Regularly saying or listening to affirmations has been shown to help with depression and feeling in a rut.
Leave gaps in your schedule: If you schedule every moment of every day with busy work, you'll burn out quickly. Leaving time for hobbies and time with loved ones means that you'll also be taking care of your emotional and mental health.

Don't get discouraged if you miss a day or even a week.

Routines are built through failure just as much as success.

You'll learn what makes you depleted and defeated, so you can be better prepared next time.

Add sex to your routine as well!

Maybe it's just once a month or daily masturbation.

Whatever frequency feels best for you.

Scheduling sex with your husband, wife, or partner will lead to greater intimacy over time.

3 - Self-development for better sex

Fact: What you do outside the bedroom follows you between the sheets.

If you're exploring in your daily life, you'll feel more curious about your sex life as well. It can lead you to experiment and learn more about what you enjoy.

Differentiation of self is critical for maintaining long-term relationships and sex lives. What this means is that you do things by yourself and for yourself.

This alone time will help you learn more about yourself and keep your partner intrigued.

Spending time on new hobbies or interests is often discouraged in the hustle and bustle of daily life. The reality is that it can do wonders for your mental and sexual energy.

If you're not sure what self-development would feel best for you, experiment with some of the ideas below:

Try a new hobby such as beekeeping, painting, carpentry, a new sport, or outdoor activity.
Take online courses to further education in your interests. Sure, taking one to help with your professional development may be tempting. But, taking a class around something that is simply fun for you means that you're more likely to feel fulfilled. Also, you'll be more likely to finish it as well!
Read more. From erotic novels to non-fiction history books. Whichever book calls out to you or pops up on your reading app.
Journaling can be beneficial for self-development. It provides a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings or be creative. There are tons of different styles of journaling that may be inspiring to you. Just have a look at Pinterest!
Take a trip by yourself if possible. You could spend a weekend at a seaside cabin or try something more extreme. First, decide on a general vicinity you want to explore. Then, pack up your car with emergency essentials and maps, turn off your phone, and get lost! You learn the most about yourself when you're alone and lost.

There are countless ways to improve your life.

Self-development is one of the best ways to get immediate results in your sex life and confidence.

Start small and see where the road takes you.

4 - Eat healthy for better sex

Choosing the right food can help create a more fruitful sex life (pun intended.) Of course, this is going to be unique to every person.

Before choosing specific foods to improve your sex life, consider your gut health first. Certain foods can contribute to you building healthy bacteria. These can help you digest other foods and improve your mood with serotonin which feeds sexual arousal.

If you're looking for certain foods to try to improve your sex life and drive, start with these:

Oysters, crabs, and lobsters have an abundance of zinc, which helps with blood flow. Zinc can have a positive impact on testosterone and, therefore, arousal.
Beef, chicken, and pork are all high in protein. They all contain L-arginine, zinc, and carnitine. These help with blood flow which is crucial for the human sexual response.
Salmon, sardines, halibut, and tuna are high in omega-3 fatty acids. These help keep your circulatory system working well. These improvements reduce the risk of diseases that impair sexual function.
Cashews, almonds, walnuts, and sunflower seeds are all full of L-arginine and zinc, which help with blood flow. Walnuts are also full of omega-3s, which is doubly helpful!
Apples, strawberries, red wine, and cherries contain compounds that can help circulation and treat erectile dysfunction. They can also reduce the symptoms of prostatitis.
Beets, arugula/rocket, celery, and spinach are filled with antioxidants and vitamins. They also contain dietary nitrates. These nitrates expand the blood vessels, helping with vasodilation and genital blood flow.
Yogurt, kombucha, miso, kimchi, and sourdough bread are all fermented foods that contain probiotics. Regularly eating these foods in small amounts can help promote a healthy gut biome.

I'm not claiming that these foods act the way aphrodisiacs are suggested to do.

Adding them to your regular diet can help you notice changes in your sexual response over time.

You won't experience a sudden erection after slurping on an oyster.

5 - Masturbate your way to better sex

Masturbation is the most outstanding sex educator you'll ever encounter. You can learn much about your genitals, sexual response, and desires from a single solo-sex session. Then, you can share this information with partners when you're willing!

At Sex With Elaine, I suggest a few specific masturbation practices that can help expand your repertoire!

Make it an experience: It isn't a race to the finish line. Take yourself on a date, or fill up your bubble bath first. You deserve romance, so why not set the mood?
Play with fantasy: Porn focuses on your mind rather than your body, which can lead to a disconnect. Try reading an erotic novel or listening to a sensual story for inspiration. Better yet, get creative and create a fantasy all your own! Turn off the porn and turn on your brain.
Yes, get lube: Experiment with different types of lubricants. The wetter, the better, regardless of what body part you're playing with.
Bring on technology: Get sex toys involved! Vibrators aren't just for the clitoris. You can use them on your whole body regardless of your gender. Find new erogenous zones by exploring rarely touched areas with the sensations your toy provides.
Get creative: Try new positions and places when masturbating. Hang your head off the edge of your bed. That dining chair could be an excellent place for a dildo with a suction cup. Your car seems lonely out there in the garage. Get creative!
Learn through doing: Masturbate in a mirror and celebrate the beauty of your body! Watching yourself in a mirror could show you exactly how and where you like to be touched so you can teach a partner.

Many masturbate to check it off their "to-do" list or release tension. Masturbation can be a fun and educational activity if you take your time.

6 - Meditate for better sex

Countless studies have shown that mindfulness meditation has numerous benefits in the bedroom. Whether you practice alone, with your partner, or in a group, try including a few minutes into each day.

It allows you to bring a connection between your mind and body. When having sex, often you're stuck in one or the other. Mind-blowing sex happens when you get both working together. If you're not sure how to meditate, here's a quick how-to:

Find a quiet place and time when you won't be disturbed.
Turn your phone off or on Do Not Disturb mode, so you won't be bothered.
Turn on nature sounds, a guided meditation application (our favorite is Balance), or sit in the quiet.
Get comfortable, and ditch your bra or annoying pants - this time is for you!
Sit down cross-legged or lay down on a comfortable surface. Whatever feels natural and comfortable for you.
Close your eyes.
Pay attention first to where your body makes contact with the surface beneath you. Notice where it is touching your body and supporting you.
Just focus on your breath. Don't try and clear your mind. Give your full attention to what your breath feels like going in and out of your body.

That's it. Just sit in the quiet and enjoy the sensation of breathing for a few minutes every day. If you want to expand your practice, try looking up Youtube resources or your app store.

Add these small changes into your life and see what benefits you notice. You may find that anything you thought was a sexual issue or dysfunction disappears over time.

Which do you think will be the easiest for you to do? Start there.

Why this matters in sex, dating, and relationship coaching

One of the most critical aspects of coaching is changing your daily life. Little changes build up and create long-lasting change, for better or worse.