Arousal should happen spontaneously and impulsively, right? Wrong. Most people get "sex education" from pornography. We've learned that you should be drop-dead wet as soon as the sexy pizza delivery guy shows up. You should be down to get down. Well, this isn't the case for most of the world. In Emily Nagoski's landmark book, Come as You Are, spontaneous arousal is the exception rather than the rule. There are several types of arousal that you need to consider before you start worrying about your libido.

This won't be the definitive guide to discovering your one arousal type. But instead, give you permission to be curious about which type you feel like each day.

Keeping sex alive in a long-term relationship can feel like fighting a battle uphill. One partner is always pursuing the other. At the same time, the other person tends to recoil when physical intimacy is initiated. Why are mismatched libidos in relationships so common?

Scheduling sex could save your relationship. When life gets in the way, and you and your partner no longer have time for intimacy, you start to forget about it. It moves to the back burner, then you push it further and further until it isn't even a topic of discussion anymore.

Scheduling love making means that you and your partner are prioritizing time together and physical intimacy. It means that you both view your sex life as important and that you're willing to make real change.