How I Navigate Love With an Age Gap (Guest Post)
How do I navigate love with a large age gap? Can a relationship survive a 10+ year age gap? What are some strategies for navigating an age gap in a relationship?
Finding love is not easy. It can seem like a never-ending cycle of bad dates, ghosting, and just plain shitty people. The best thing is when you find the love of your life and then life tosses you a minor curve ball in the form of an age gap. Here’s how I navigate love with an age gap.
Our story
A bit of background on me first. I’m a 39-year-old gay man from Massachusetts who came out late in life. I was out to my friends for YEARS, but only came out to family when I turned 33. Yeah, let’s not go there. It was a positive experience and I am very blessed to have them in my corner. It was shortly after this all happened that I met the man who would become my husband!
We met on a dating app in 2016, and by 4 dates in we knew.
The funny thing is that I almost didn’t message him because I was so burnt out from dating.
There was a small snag though.
I thought he was only about 10 years older but I found out that due to a technical issue, he was 20 years older. I don’t want to harp on that but it did give me pause. Honestly, the age issue faded quickly, and we got to the fun part, getting to know each other!
When I say that’s the fun part, I mean it.
I love him for who he is, and what he brings to my life. The person I see is one of intelligence, love, confidence, and wisdom. These amazing qualities are things that I looked for in a partner well before I came out.
How do I navigate love with an age gap?
It’s not always easy, but we make it work.
Let’s dive into the good stuff!
Everyday life with my partner
When it comes to everyday life, we have the same schedule, so it is pretty easy.
Up until about 6 months ago, we took care of his mom. Sadly, she passed on at the ripe old age of 96.5 years.
Yeah, she was a battle axe.
This was when we had to be at our best, as a couple. I digress.
Looking at our everyday life (chores, etc), we are pretty well balanced.
We help each other out, and when I was out of work, I would do more to keep the house up to par. He’s the MUCH better cook, so he does all the cooking unless I want to bake lol.
Our arguments & communication
Yes, we have them!
It’s a normal and healthy part of our relationship.
Sometimes our age gap makes it difficult to see the other person’s point of view.
He has very strong opinions about certain things. Again, we do not always agree, and arguments do happen.
Usually, we can come to a compromise, but if I’m being totally honest, there are times when we have to agree to disagree.
Again, the age gap does play a factor here but on the whole, it’s not too crazy.
The key for us is to have open and honest communication.
Again, with the age gap that can be frustrating at times, but we listen and hear each other out.
I have to admit that I do yell when I get irritated, and I hate that about myself.
I’m working on that.
I think that for me, it’s easier to get more vocal when I don’t agree with him. I have a temper.
The key is to never go to bed angry!
How we deal with finances
Finances can be one of the most difficult things in any relationship.
When there’s an age gap, it can be even more challenging.
In the instance of my husband and I, we have most of our things separate. That’s simply because he has his own business and accounts from before we met.
At this time we have our lease and a car loan together and that’s it.
We take care of our own bills and I give him my half of the rent and other utilities, as well as help with food, etc. We split a lot of meals out, and make sure our own bills are paid each month.
We do not really know how much money each of us has in our personal accounts, but that’s okay.
We honestly don’t let finances take a huge place in our relationship. It’s just not something we worry about.
We trust each other.
How we navigate love, sex, & intimacy
I couldn’t write this article without at least talking about intimacy and sex. I won’t go too far into our personal life here, but I wanted to share a bit.
When it comes to this topic, I find the age gap to be very helpful.
He has more experience than I do, and it can make it even more fun!
He listens and knows what I like, and I know what he likes, in bed.
Sometimes, due to our schedules and the age gap, it means we go for longer times in between sex, but we cuddle as much as possible and have frequent conversations about sex.
This often goes along with open and honest communication.
There have been times when I have definitely been turned on and he hasn’t been. That’s usually due to not feeling well, or being exhausted.
Sometimes it feels like I’m being rejected, and that can be a bummer but after I get out of my own head, I put myself in his shoes. I know what his schedule is like so I try not to get too upset. If I do, I try and convey that to him.
He’s super understanding
As far as our sex life goes, it’s always amazing! He knows how to make me feel special and sexy, and I am fully satisfied.
To be honest, there are times when I take care of him first, and then he goes to town on me.
He loves to make me happy and I do the same for him!
That’s how I navigate love with an age gap. It has its challenges but can also be fun.
The trick is to really listen to each other, learn from each other, and just be yourself.
It’s funny because when I look back at our start, it was almost effortless.
We had to work at it, but I almost didn’t message him on that dating app.
Six years together and almost 3 years married, and I’m glad I did!
“The trick is to really listen to each other, learn from each other, and just be yourself.”
— ROB FLOOD
About the author
Rob Flood is the creator and owner of The Holistic Grotto!
He started it in 2022 but has been an avid practitioner of self-care, mindfulness, and meditation for years. He’s been married to his husband Michael for almost 3 years and loves to share his experiences with others.
Check out his blog at www.theholisticgrotto.com!
You can also check out his podcast The Holistic Grotto Podcast on all the major podcast networks as well as on Instagram at @the_holistic_grotto and Facebook at Facebook.com/theholisticgrotto.
Do you want to contribute to the Sex With Elaine blog?
SEND ME AN EMAIL!
Want to keep reading?
Don’t worry, there’s plenty more!
Enjoy this article?
Then follow me on Instagram!
You’ll never miss another helpful tip.
