Dating Fatigue - It’s very real but this is how you can use it to your advantage
Dating fatigue is real.
You spend hours swiping, weekends on dates, and weekdays planning dates, and you're just burnt out. Looking for that special someone means constantly putting yourself out there. Your heart is constantly on your sleeve and yet, you fall short of your goal. That hurts and it's exhausting.
It can be challenging. Especially when it feels like it's happening every day.
When dealing with dating fatigue, it's easy to isolate yourself and delete the apps (yet again.)
I'm not here to tell you any differently.
Sometimes you just need a break to focus on yourself.
But how do you know if you're dealing with dating fatigue rather than just regular fatigue?
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What is dating fatigue?
Dating fatigue is when you've been dating, and you're exhausted by it. You're no longer getting butterflies while you're getting ready. Every dude on the app looks the same. You just can't be bothered anymore.
Even if you've been on a break from dating, going out with someone just sounds boring. You feel unexcited about potential prospects and want to quit. Your mind floats to buying a cabin in the woods, and starting an animal sanctuary.
Okay, that might be a little specific, but let's just say I've definitely dealt with this before.
It's more than just feeling exhausted. It's about feeling like your hand is being forced to keep swiping. To keep dating.
And guess what?
You're going to have a lot of shitty waste-of-your-time dates if you're not feeling it.
How is dating fatigue different from regular fatigue?
Fatigue is a general sense of tiredness and exhaustion. Not just about dating but in your day-to-day life as well. While there is a difference between dating fatigue and common fatigue, they both indicate the same thing. You need to give yourself a break.
Take time off from things that don't fill you with happiness and joy.
Put down your phone for a few hours and get lost in a book. Or, better yet, just sit in silence and be with your thoughts for a few minutes each day. Doing this will help your brain relax and start to regain its energy.
If you find you're exhausted from life in general and have dating fatigue, then listen to your body and mind. Take the time you need, turn off, and tune out for a while. It's not selfish in any way. It's all about spending the energy you actually have rather than the energy you think you should have.
What are some signs of dating fatigue?
Dating fatigue is something that happens in cycles. You'll get excited and motivated to find someone, download all the apps, go out a few times, then BAM.
You're totally burnt out.
You're just exhausted and don't care anymore.
You just want to live your life.
If you're wondering if you're dealing with dating fatigue, look out for some of these signs:
You're constantly deleting and redownloading dating apps.
You don't get excited about dates anymore, regardless of how cute or exciting they are.
You can't be asked to update your dating profiles, and it's all out-of-date information.
You absentmindedly swipe without giving a shit.
You don't respond to any messages anymore on the apps.
Even when you're out with friends, your eye isn't wandering looking for anyone.
Someone asks you out, and you would rather curl up and watch Netflix.
You're going on strings of dates without any chemistry.
You can't remember the difference between the guys you've been seeing anymore.
If these sound like you, you've tested positive for dating fatigue.
Don't worry.
It's totally temporary.
Rather than beat yourself over having dating fatigue, realize it's part of the cycle of finding someone. You can't constantly have the energy to go out there and wear your heart on your sleeve.
That's totally unrealistic.
What to do if you're dealing with dating fatigue
Relax, there's nothing wrong with you.
Dating fatigue is a common side effect of dating in the modern era. You're spoiled for choice and are constantly overwhelmed with potential meet-ups and options. Decision fatigue is a real thing.
But, the good thing is that you can make the most of this time! Just because you're not actively dating doesn't mean you're not working on your dating life.
You can do many things to make the most of this time.
Delete the apps
Yes, even I, the dating coach, recommend taking a break.
But make it a real break.
Delete the apps and set a time for yourself. Maybe it's a week, a month, or a few months.
But decide how long of a break you'll need before downloading the apps again.
When you set a boundary for yourself, you'll have a realistic timeline to spend this time wisely.
You can reevaluate when the date arrives, but until then, please don't redownload Hinge for the 58th time.
Turn on your dating blinders
If you're already deleting the apps, give yourself full permission to stop hunting for a change.
You'll save a lot of time and energy if you take a long break from dating.
So stop your wandering eye while you're out on a girls' night.
Try to stop imagining your "future meet-cute" story with every guy you meet.
Just spend this time focusing on you.
Consider your expectations
I'm not saying your expectations are too high or too low.
But if you're going on heaps of dates and still not meeting anyone worth keeping in touch with, take time and reflect.
See if these guys have something in common or if there's a trend happening in your life that's attracting dull duds.
Be reflective and patient with yourself.
Are you asking too much?
Too little?
Test the waters and check with your friends about their thoughts to get some outside perspective.
Focus on self-care
If you take a break from dating, make it all about you.
Take a look at your self-care menu and evaluate what may need to be updated.
You'll have tons of new time when you won't be on a date or swiping. Fill it with things that fill your soul, like meditation, hikes, or whatever floats your boat.
Make the best of this time by really treating yourself.
Make it a transition point
Once you've had a bit of a break from dating, you'll find you have a lot of new energy with no outlet.
Channel this energy into something productive for you.
Perhaps you'll change your look, redecorate your apartment, or pick a new hobby.
Realize that every break you take is a reason to evaluate what's going on in your life and make improvements.
No one leads an ideal life. There's always something to be done.
So, do what makes you feel more like your authentic self.
Spend time with quality people
Whoever feeds your soul and loves you for who you really are.
Surround yourself with these people.
When you're around people who remind you of who you are.
Invest more in these relationships and do new things together!
Just because you're not building new bonds doesn't mean you shouldn't spend the time improving existing ones.
Learn new skills that will improve your dating experience
Another way to use this time productively is to make dating easier for yourself when you return to it.
You can learn many skills from dating coaching that will help make dating easier.
Conversational skills and learning how to read body language are two important examples. Whatever it is that could help you, I've got the resources you need.
Get a change of scenery
Get out of your comfort zone and explore somewhere new.
Whether it's getting lost in a central metropolitan area or heading to the beach, it's your call. Shake off your dating fatigue vibes by just going somewhere different.
Exploring new places can help you approach life in general with new energy and zeal.
So take a holiday with your friends, or better yet, by yourself.
Journal
Yup, yet again, write it out. Externalizing in a nonjudgmental space, like a journal, can help you learn new things about yourself. Get it all out on paper, and look and listen for trends or areas of self-improvement. This is a time to focus on improving yourself, so lean into it!
At the end of it, it's all about you and filling your cup.
Odds are you're lacking in other parts of your life too.
So, just relax.
Rather than wallow about the missed dates you could be on or guilting yourself about deleting the apps.
Give yourself permission to take a break, so you can start showing up as your authentic self.
Breaks, holidays, and vacations are all a necessary part of life.
So to combat dating fatigue, take a damn break!
Dating exhaustion and dating coaching
Dating exhaustion is part of the game, unfortunately. But realize it's temporary. You're only human, and you may just need to take a break.
Make the most of your dating break and invest in your dating future with dating coaching. Working with me means you'll take all the guesswork out of dating. You'll learn all the skills you need to make dating easier, so you can finally find the guy you want to be with. The personalized suggestions will put you ahead at the end of your dating break, so you aren't "wasting time."
You're just using it wisely.
When you're tired of being tired from dating, get in contact with me. We'll make a plan, so you can start dating with confidence and purpose. We'll get you into that relationship you've been looking for. Let’s get started today.
“There are plenty of fish in the sea, so don’t settle for a shark.”
— Kalvin Valentine
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