Sex Coaching vs Therapy - Which is right for you?
You've been researching how to improve your sex life. But you're not sure where to start. You know you need help, but what specialist is best for you? It may be challenging to figure out what you need with jargon thrown around. After all, what is the difference between sex coaching and sex therapy?
Sex coaching is a dynamic future-facing process where your coach asks questions and elicits answers from you. It focuses on achieving your specific goals as quickly as possible. Sex therapy involves working through your past and analyzing how previous emotional damage. It seeks to see how the past could relate to your present issues.
Sex therapy is the "why" and "when," whereas sex coaching is the "what" and "how."
There are many other nuances to the two practices. While many have overlapping tendencies, their aims and outcomes differ.
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What is sex coaching?
Sex coaching is a new(er) form of sexual intervention help. A sex coach helps you solve specific sexual issues and achieve your sexual goals.
Like a life coach, a sex coach takes your past, present, and ideal future into account and helps you create a plan.
That plan is implemented step-by-step with you as the co-author.
During the coaching session, you'll work through your issues. Between sessions, you'll practice new skills and techniques to help you get to your goals.
A sex coach is (usually) not a medical professional or a therapist.
A sex coach is focused on your personal objectives and helps you achieve them day-by-day and step-by-step.
What can a sex coach help with?
Sex coaches are, again, life coaches with training in the field of sexual health.
So, whatever your goals or issues are, sex coaches can pretty much help you with it all.
Many sex coaches have specific areas of expertise. I specialize in pleasure products, kink acceptance, porn and sex dependency, and low libido.
Other common concerns clients bring to me are:
Erectile dysfunction or erectile difficulties
Anorgasmia or preorgasmia
Vaginismus or different kinds of painful sex
Premature ejaculation or uncontrolled ejaculation
Low or no sexual desire
Mismatched desire in relationships
Delayed ejaculation
Willingness to improve social or dating skills
Sex/porn addiction
Body image and confidence issues
Menopausal complications with sex
Enhanced sexual pleasure
Comprehensive sexuality education
Finding and building a lasting relationship
A guide to new aspects of non-normative relationships, identities, or kink practices
Sex coach basics
Sex coaching is a massive field with a lot for you to know. But, as a client, you don't need to know everything.
That's the coach's responsibility.
There are a few common questions I'd like to address here, so you've got a solid understanding before moving forward.
What is the focus of sex coaching?
The focus of sex coaching is achieving harmony in all aspects of your life. This holistic view allows you to create your ideal sexual future.
Sex coaches can work with individuals or couples to help you get where you're trying to go.
Our focus is always on you.
Sex coaches have one eye on the prize you're after and the other on making your action plan.
Why are goals important in sex coaching?
In sex coaching, your goals are front and center.
That's what brings you to a coach in the first place.
Some example goals people set are:
I aim to maintain an erection with my partner for 10 minutes of intercourse.
My goal is to be more enthusiastic about blowjobs.
My goal is to spark my sexual desire in my relationship.
My goal is to find and keep a lasting romantic relationship.
We're here to help facilitate your journey to achieve your goals in a practical timeframe.
Those goals vary from client to client.
Your goal may be to last longer in bed.
Or you may want to experience your first orgasm.
You may need help committing to recovery from porn addiction.
A sex coach will not only work with you to create your action plan but hold you accountable every step of the way.
What are common sex coaching methods?
Most sex coaches use a variety of models. Primarily the MEBES and PLISSIT models.
Sex coaches integrate various traits and insights from the life coaching industry into aspects of our practices.
You get the knowledge you need in sessions through talk-only or hands-on coaching practices.
Then, you're asked to complete at-home exercises as well.
These help you extend the learning and goal implementation at home and are crucial for your success.
Where did sex coaching come from?
Sex coaching has a 20-year history beginning with Dr. Patti Britton, the founder of Sex Coach University.
Dr. Britton designed the sex coaching profession to fill in the gaps in the sex therapy model.
She developed a unique method. She integrated the valuable aspects of sex therapy into a coaching format.
This modern model of care is on the cutting edge of the constantly changing sexual world.
What is the sex coaching relationship like?
The sex coach and client are equals in the relationship.
The client sets the focus and remains the center of all the energy within the coaching relationship.
Clients are encouraged to open up and share their concerns in a safe space with their coach.
The client knows the destination, and the coach draws a map of how to get there.
Also, the coach is your cheerleader and helps hold you accountable. While we have the ideas and can write a thousand action plans, only your action will drive us forward toward your goal.
What education does a sex coach need to have?
Certified Sex Coaches, like I am, have attended and graduated from Sex Coach University.
This program, founded by Dr. Patti Britton, the "mother of sex coaching," combines theoretical and hands-on training.
Aspiring sex coaches go through dozens of courses that teach the "what" of sexology and the "how" of coaching.
Students must attend a Sexual Attitude Reassessment & Restructuring course (SAR) accredited by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT.)
The SAR ensures that the aspiring sex coach thoroughly explores their sexual boundaries, thoughts, and feelings before working with clients.
During the SAR, sex coaches are exposed to various sexual media and concepts to shape their future careers.
Successful graduates also go through several coaching observations by their SCU mentors. The coach works with real clients and is assessed thoroughly in each session, with critique provided to improve.
What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a type of talk therapy. It's focused on your past and current mental health and the treatment of sexual dysfunction.
Sex therapists undergo years of academic study and certification.
They're held to strict requirements and ethical codes that are particularly conducive to working with topics such as sexual trauma.
Sex therapy and sex coaching are different.
They can be complementary and done concurrently (at the same time.)
But often, sex therapy is needed for very different things.
What is the focus of sex therapy?
Sex therapy is intended to help you resolve sexual difficulties by examining your past.
Through talk-based treatment, they seek to find the mental or medical basis for your sexual problems.
Uncovering past traumatic experiences and linking them to current behaviors can create healing.
What are the goals of sex therapy?
The goal of sex therapy is to help you have satisfying sex life by moving past mental blocks.
Using the DSM-V, therapists attempt to diagnose you, so sessions can be covered by health insurance.
If you're looking for a proper diagnosis and medication, then sex therapy is likely the right choice for you.
What methods are used in sex therapy?
As a form of psychotherapy, you talk through your experiences and current feelings.
The sex therapist helps you identify your coping mechanisms and triggers to create healthy responses.
Suppose you meet the criteria for a DSM-V diagnosis. In that case, the therapist can refer you to a psychiatrist or medical professional.
Where did sex therapy come from?
Most sex therapy in Western cultures has its roots in the 19th and early 20th centuries.
Sex therapy today uses the works of previous sexologists such as Alfred Kinsey and Henry Ellis.
Sex therapy became medicalized in the 1980s. The focus shifted to sexual dysfunction.
What is the sex therapy relationship like?
The sex therapist is the expert, and you are learning from them.
Sex therapists usually conduct sessions in their offices.
With the impact of COVID-19, many sex therapists have started holding online visitations.
What certifications does a sex therapist need?
A sex therapist must have a graduate degree in mental health, therapy, or another related field. They also must hold a license in mental health, therapy, or a related counseling field.
Each country has specific requirements to add the prefix "sex" to "therapist."
Typically, aspiring sex therapists must have additional hours of sex-focused study.
Some places require as few as eight hours.
Others require hundreds of hours.
After completing their additional training, a sex therapist must also undergo supervision.
Should I see a sex coach or a sex therapist?
That decision resides only with you.
Suppose you have past emotional or mental scars that deserve specialized attention and processing. In that case, sex therapy may be ideal for you.
You deserve to heal before you try and move forward.
Imagine you're starting a journey with just part of a map.
You have the second half of the trip planned out down to the moment, but you don't know where the starting point is.
It wouldn't be constructive, would it?
If you feel ready to make a change but don't know where to start, sex coaching is likely a better option.
People with specific sexual issues who want to heal and improve their relationship or sex life are ideal for coaching.
Confused about where and how to get the correct information to change your sex life?
Then, sex coaching will be an efficient and valuable option.
You can heal from the past and create a better future simultaneously.
You can do sex therapy and sex coaching simultaneously.
At Sex With Elaine, I am happy to partner with those in the therapeutic or mental health field.
I care that you can heal from all directions.
I encourage you to speak to your medical providers about sex coaching sessions.
I promote contact between everyone involved in your care.
Why should I choose sex coaching with Elaine?
Well, because I’m fabulous of course.
But jokes aside, my qualifications are unique and I’m constantly adding to them.
I have over twelve years of global sexuality education and training.
My diverse background is entirely unique.
I have studied in places famous for their sex cultures, such as Amsterdam and San Francisco.
If you want to learn more, check the about me page.
In recent years, I attended many classes and pieces of training based in Australia.
As a graduate of Sex Coach University, I am a Certified Sex Coach and Clinical Sexologist.
I attend regular supervision with mentors in the field of sexology.
My cross-cultural training gives me a unique perspective on sex coaching.
If you're still unsure if you should start seeing a sex coach or a sex therapist, you can ask me for the input!
“Coaching is the universal language of change and learning.”
-CNN
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