What is a Situationship? Definition, types, and how to know if you’re in one
What is a situationship? You've seen the word pop up all over. Maybe you've got some idea of what it means - but how do you know if you're in a situationship? Is being in a situationship a bad thing?
How do you sort out the wannabe's from the keepers with the entire globe of people at your fingertips? If you want a long-term romantic connection, you need to know the signs of a situationship.
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What is a situationship?
According to Oxford Languages, the definition of a situationship is "a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established."
In many ways, a situationship is similar to a friend with benefits (FWB) situation. One of the hallmark differences is they still treat you like a romantic partner. In other words, he treats you like a girlfriend without the title or responsibilities. He may introduce you to his friends, take you to his soccer games, and make you feel like you're involved in his life. But, he still just introduces you by your name.
He refuses to discuss putting titles on your situationship and keeps all conversations surface level.
Situationships are usually casual and non-exclusive. There is likely minimal texting or communication when you're not together.
Being in a situationship can be a good thing if you're looking for one. But for many women, it is a frustrating experience.
3 types of situationships
Just like there are tons of relationship styles, there are tons of types of situationships. Often, they can feel like the start of a genuine and authentic relationship. But they're just not that into you at the end of the day.
If you're unsure if you're in a situationship, ask yourself if these sound like your current romantic entanglement.
The horizontal dance partner
This type of situationship is where FWB and situationship collide.
You two hook up repeatedly. You may even be having great sex and exploring some kinks together. Either way, you both are guilty of your texts, including "u up?" at fuckboy o'clock when you're lonely and/or drunk.
You likely still go on dates before or after. But they're usually casual brunches, a cheap Chinese takeaway, or somewhere in between. Your relationship together is pretty much just sex and the occasional meal with minimal conversation.
The perfect plus one
Everyone wants someone to do things with. Whether it's a date to your company's office party, a karaoke partner, or someone to go to the movies with. Having a standard plus one is excellent. But maybe that's all you are to them. When you become each other's plus one, and you are never introduced by any title, you're in a situationship. Meeting friends and colleagues may feel like he's trying to bring you into his life. In reality, he's just made you his temporary almost-girlfriend.
Nearly girlfriend - but no cigar
You do all the things that couples do together. Whether it's implied Saturday dates, having a toothbrush at his place, or meeting his family, you feel like you're in a relationship. But he's not willing to have the "what are we" conversation. All of a sudden he's not ready to commit, not a fan of titles, or some other basic excuse.
In reality, he's getting the milk for free. If you're performing all the duties of a girlfriend without the title, he likely doesn't view you as a long-term prospect.
All of these types of situationships have many things in common. They often overlap. If any of these sound familiar to you, look out for these signs that you're in a situationship.
6 signs you're in a situationship
If you're reading this article, odds are that you're in a situationship. But if you find yourself thinking, "my situation is different," look out for these classic 6 signs of a situationship.
There's no definition
Titles aren't everything, but they are important. When someone desires to be with you for the long term and sees a potential future with you, they'll put a label on things. But in a situationship, you'll never have a real reason why titles are suddenly so unimportant.
It's not exclusive
Open relationships and polyamory are entirely separate from situationships. If you're going out with someone who does not want to at least discuss the possibility of exclusivity with you, you're in a situationship. Sexual exclusivity isn't important to everyone. Make sure it's important to you before asking for it from your situationship partner.
Communication sucks
Texting and calling are purely functional, and they're to establish when and where you'll meet and very little else. You may ask how his day was and get a few words at best in response. This isn't him being tired or lazy. This is him communicating that he's not interested in chatting with you. If you're looking for a real relationship with someone, he should be happy to communicate between dates.
Things are always superficial
Deep emotional conversations are a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. In most situationships, things are kept surface level in your conversations. Sure, he may remember how you take your coffee, but he doesn't know about anything much deeper. Nor does he care to ask. When things get deep, or you try to prod, you may feel him pull back and watch them change the subject before your eyes.
It's always inconsistent
This may go without saying, but you never know when you'll see him again. You may have been out every night for a week, then suddenly he disappears for three months. He may come crawling back into your DMs as nothing happened. This inconsistency isn't a healthy thing, and it shows that spending time together will never be his priority. If he's treating time together as something he would only like to do on his terms, you're in a situationship.
What is the future?
He avoids the topic, whether it's talking about his future or where your relationship is going. He's not interested in building a present with you, let alone a future. We're not even talking about marriage. We're talking about asking to spend a weekend away together next season. He's avoiding it because he doesn't want to commit to something a month or two from now. You know, likely because he's wondering if he'll meet someone better.
There are countless ways to tell if you're in a situationship with someone. But the most prominent one you'll recognize is that you'll feel it in your bones.
The reality of situationships
If some or even all of these things sound like your relationship, you're likely in a situationship.
Now, what that means is up to you.
Many people aren't actually ready to be in a relationship. Therefore, situationships are a suitable lower maintenance option.
But it can be really draining to both you and your situationship partner. Especially if neither of you discusses it and you both just "wait and see what happens."
If you're in a situationship and don't want to be, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner. If you want more, you have to ask for it. If he says "no," or tells you to "chill out," remember - you're not being high maintenance or demanding. You're being honest, and you deserve consideration and an answer.
As much heartbreak as it may take, you're going to have to leave that situationship. Otherwise, how will you make space for someone better to come along?
Being in these can be isolating and lonely. You feel like you're so close to getting that title, that exclusivity. In reality, he will keep you waiting in the wings for as long as he can. Yes, it's harsh, but you need to hear it.
You deserve better.
You deserve to have the title you want, the attention you need, and the prioritization of a real relationship.
If you keep finding yourself in situationships and don't know where you're going wrong, get help by starting dating coaching with me today.
“Always remember, someone’s effort is a reflection of their interest in you.”
-Unknown
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