What is Personal Intimacy - What it is and why you need to make it your top priority
Intimacy is a hot relationship topic. It's all about developing your relationship with your partner or spouse. But what about your relationship with yourself? What about personal intimacy? Do you feel emotionally connected to yourself?
One of the most crucial steps in dating coaching is learning how to attract your ideal life partner. To attract your ideal partner, you have to be fully yourself. You can become fully yourself through self-care and exploring your identity.
Social interactions are a vital part of survival in the human kingdom. To know where you fit within a group, you need to know the various aspects of your personality. How do you learn more about yourself?
You invest time in developing your sense of personal intimacy.
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What is personal intimacy?
Intimacy can be understood as the feeling of closeness or your bond with another person. Therefore, personal intimacy is when you feel close and invested in yourself.
It's more than just knowing your likes and dislikes.
It's about feeling confident when you get dressed because you know what you feel like wearing that day.
It's about treating yourself to new adventures by yourself and for yourself because you want that experience.
It's about the accumulation of those little moments and listening to your gut about your needs.
By listening to your inner dialogue, you'll better understand who you actually are.
Not who you are around other people.
Not how other people define you.
It's something you can't gain from any Cosmo quiz or Buzzfeed how-to guide. It's a sense of intimate confidence within your own body and mind.
5 types of personal intimacy
You can use the same five types of intimacy you experience with a partner with yourself.
Taking yourself to an art class once a month is a great start. But it isn't enough to develop all five areas.
When you're looking at ways to date yourself and spend more time alone, think about each of the five areas of intimacy. They can help you define where you need to reconnect with yourself the most.
Physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is what usually gets the most hype in romantic relationships. Having regular sex with a partner is important. But staying in physical contact with yourself is just as critical - if not more.
You only get one body, and it deserves to be appreciated. You deserve to have opportunities to understand its strength and beauty.
This is one of the areas that can be the most easily neglected and the most easily focused upon.
Most people are generally unhappy with their physical appearance. You likely try to cover up your perceived imperfections while drawing the eye to your preferred assets. Doing this works as a means of deflection for a while. But what you're doing is telling yourself that parts of your body don't deserve love and attention.
Learn more about yourself and learn to appreciate your body through practicing physical intimacy with yourself.
How to improve physical intimacy with yourself
There are lots of ways to build physical intimacy with yourself. Many of these relate to exercise and moving your body for obvious reasons. When trying types of exercise, make sure you're doing something that you actually enjoy.
Most people cause themselves unnecessary suffering by forcing exercise in tedious or draining ways.
Focus your energy on things that bring you joy, and you'll build on that sense of personal intimacy twice as fast.
Masturbate more often
But don't make it a chore! Make masturbation a beautiful and genuine part of your self-appreciation. Treat your body with curiosity and splendor. After all, isn't that how you want your partner to feel when they look at you?
Move more
In ways that you enjoy and feel good to you. Activities like walking, swimming, cycling, or gardening all count as acts of physical intimacy.
Spend time marveling at yourself in the mirror
Doing this may feel uncomfortable at first, but try this coaching exercise. Starting naked, stand in front of the mirror. Start from the top of your head and work your way down to your toes. Say one positive thing about each area of your body. Your healthy hair, long neck, clear eyes, muscular thighs, whatever you appreciate about that area! While you may see many negatives, say, out loud, one positive thing about each part of your body.
Stretch
Just stretching for pleasure is a great way to feel closer to your body while it's also good for your health! Stretch for a few minutes in bed, or try a few minutes of yoga throughout your day. Whatever it is, just appreciate what your body can do at each step of the journey!
Remember that this is your intuitive journey - only you know what feels best for you.
Listen to your heart, mind, and of course, your body.
Listen to what it's asking for.
Don't force these things. Do it when it feels natural or when you need a pick-me-up after a long day.
Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is when you feel safe being and expressing yourself, usually around others.
How often do you feel like you can actually be yourself around yourself?
For some people, it's more complicated than you think.
Maybe you're guilty of talking down to yourself about how you spend your free time.
Perhaps you tell yourself regularly that something you want is unreasonable.
If these sound like you, you may need to work on personal emotional intimacy.
To feel safe being your authentic self around others, you need to feel safe being your authentic self around you first.
There are many fun ways to do this!
How to improve emotional intimacy with yourself
Spending time alone and doing things you love is one thing, but do you actually love those things?
Or did you used to love those things?
Or, better yet, do you feel like you're just supposed to love those things?
Most people are guilty of lying to themselves about what they enjoy. Put a stop to this by being genuinely curious about your feelings and emotions throughout the day.
Start journaling
Do this to reflect on your days and how time passes and investigate deeper corners of yourself. When you are actually curious about yourself, you'll become a better listener.
You'll also be able to channel those deep desires more easily and genuinely.
Do something goofy
Something a parent or person in your extended family would have shamed you for. Something somewhat wild and unusual that makes you feel vulnerable. You can do this in the safety of your own bedroom to start. But by inviting yourself to have more fun, you'll develop a more profound sense of emotional intimacy. Whether it's dancing around naked to ABBA, doing finger painting, or just watching Saturday morning cartoons. Do something you'd be embarrassed about if someone else caught you. Then, ask yourself, why the hell would you be embarrassed?
To feel safe being vulnerable with others, you need to trust yourself first. You won't be able to trust yourself without a developed and devoted sense of emotional intimacy.
Spiritual intimacy
Most people believe in something greater than themselves.
Whether that's God, aliens, or simply gravity - there is so much happening around us beyond our capacity for explanation. Sharing these moments with others is often considered romantic and relationship-altering. So why not experience those moments by yourself?
Having these moments as part of your self-care routine can help make it easier to share them with someone else.
How to improve spiritual intimacy with yourself
Remember, you're doing this for yourself and not for the story. These moments often can't be planned. They're something that happens like a glitch in the Matrix or an "aha!' moment. You may not be able to prepare for it, but keep your eyes and heart open to them whenever it could arise.
Watch a sunrise or sunset alone
Hop in your car, on the train, and get to a beautiful vantage point on a clear day. Get to where you want to be, turn off your phone (yes, that includes taking pictures), and simply vibe with the sun's movements. Breathe in the colors and the feelings of the dawn of a new part of the day. It may even make you want to change something about yourself for the better.
Go to a spiritual center
Even if you're not religious, go into a spiritual or sacred place. They're often spaces of great architectural wonder. Walk around and drink in everyone's devotion to their higher being. Meanwhile, drink up the beautification and dedication of those around you.
Get lost
This concept comes up repeatedly for me, but get lost somewhere. Pack up your bag with everything you might need, including safety equipment, and head in a general direction. Turn off your phone and navigate somewhere with a map with no particular destination in mind. That includes avoiding distracting podcasts and even music, if you can. See where your feet and heart take you. You'll always be amazed.
Spiritual intimacy is about following a feeling. It's about following those butterflies in your stomach or that flutter of your heart. If you can't plan a moment of spiritual intimacy, keep your eyes open for them.
Intellectual intimacy
Intellectual intimacy is understood as feeling open to discussing your personal beliefs. It's about the willingness to share your thoughts and feelings and learn.
But why not develop intellectual intimacy with yourself?
Think of it like intensive nerding out. Everyone has a topic they're hugely interested in and want to learn more about. Maybe it's cooking, writing, Pokémon, or medieval mythology. Whatever it is, lean into it!
People with hobbies and fringe interests are almost always the most exciting people. So, develop your sense of personal intellectual intimacy by exploring your multitude of passions!
How to improve intellectual intimacy with yourself
Building a more profound sense of intellectual intimacy starts with personal reflection.
What are you actually interested in?
What aren't you interested in and why?
How advanced are you in your knowledge in this area?
How much time can you devote to learning more about your personal intellectual interest?
Incorporate some of these ideas into your self-care routine and your sense of personal intellectual intimacy.
Go to a museum
Of course, this is the easiest possible option and usually affordable too! Just make sure you go to the museum on a day when it'll be mostly empty. Don't be tempted to bring anyone with you. Take your time pursuing art, science, or history - whatever you can find near you! Make a full day of it by bringing lunch, a book, or something to keep you invested in your favorite topic.
Take a class
If you're into cooking, why wouldn't you take a cooking class? Into writing but want to work on your skills? Look up creative writing classes near you! Want to learn dancing? Fabulous, have you checked out your local community center? Learning more about your gorgeous nerdiness area can help you sink deeper into your interest. It can also help you meet other people who share your passion!
Read a book
This one is a no-brainer. Simply look up famous or well-known writers or researchers in this area and check out their Amazon lists! If you're reading a book about something you're interested in, you're much more likely to actually read it! Just make sure it's something you enjoy learning about and not a book for school or something.
There are countless ways to enhance your sense of personal intellectual intimacy. All of this will revolve heavily around what you're interested in. Not every interest has a museum or a ton of books, so take your time and get creative! Ask around on Reddit or other forums for new sources of inspiration.
Experiential intimacy
Experiential intimacy is when you feel closer to someone else after a shared experience. Such as skydiving, taking a hike, or trying a new adventurous meal.
So, why can't you try to enhance your sense of personal experiential intimacy without anyone else?
Doing this can help you explore things you've never tried, cross things off your bucket list, and take the road much less traveled.
Experiential intimacy is similar to spiritual intimacy. You have to follow your gut and plunge into whatever is in front of you. So be spontaneous!
How to improve experiential intimacy with yourself
Some experiences take planning, such as hiking the Grand Canyon or skydiving. Other things may crop up naturally as you live your life. Like all the different types of intimacy, trust your gut and keep your heart open. New experiences are all around you if you're open to trying them!
Actually write down a bucket list
Yes, the old pen and paper are best for this. Write down all the things you've wanted to do before you die and get to work! It can be something as small as going to a local renaissance fair or something as big as living in a foreign country. Getting out of the house is ideal for building experiential intimacy with yourself. But writing a bucket list down can be an adventure all by itself!
Go to an event
Take yourself out to a comedy club, a panel meeting, or even a local wine tasting event and enjoy the experience. Spending time in public alone may sound frightening. Still, it means you get to do exactly what you want when you want without worrying about anyone else. So what's the real downside?
Make a plan
Do something that takes you to new territory, new heights, or just a new experience. Many of the other four types of intimacy can count as ways to build your sense of experiential intimacy. Just get out there and try something new with yourself and for yourself!
If you're a homebody - don't worry. You can still improve your sense of experiential intimacy.
Simply make plans for new experiences within the comfort of your own home.
Perhaps it's ordering a steamer, making dumplings, painting, or getting a new video game. You define what is important to you. So long as you're having fun by yourself, you're moving in the right direction.
Dating coaching and personal intimacy
Spending time with yourself may sound like a counterintuitive way to meet the partner of your dreams. But, if you don't know yourself, how will you explain things to your new partner? If you don't see what you like to do, how will your partner understand what makes you you?
By taking the time and energy to explore your own interests and passions, you ensure that your future partner and you have countless topics to discuss and experiences to share.
Building intimacy with yourself is crucial for attracting "the one" because everyone loves someone with hobbies. They're something that makes you unique and fascinating. So invest in yourself, so your future partner feels excited about investing in you too!
“There is no more profitable investment than investing in yourself. It is the best investment you can make; you can never go wrong with it. It is the true way to improve yourself to be the best version of you and lets you be able to best serve those around you.”
— Roy T. Bennett, The Light of the Heart
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