Step-by-Step Guide to Healing a Broken Heart - How to get over your ex in 8 steps
Very little in this world hurts a person as much as heartbreak can. You genuinely feel physical pain throughout your body. Colors become duller, food loses its taste, and all you can do is seek cheap dopamine to feel better. While feeling the pain of heartbreak is part of the healing process, there is much more to it. Learning how to heal your broken heart is a process everyone goes through. Luckily, you are here for a bit of a cheat sheet.
It may be tempting to surround yourself with family, friends, and activities. Staying busy can help distract you from the pain of missing that particular person. But rest assured that all the distractions in the world are temporary. Eventually, you'll have to pay attention to the pain.
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8 steps to heal your broken heart
Like everything else in life, heartbreak and recovery from heartbreak is a process, not a destination. You're not going to have total amnesia and forget about your ex. Instead, you learn how to live life without them and live it better.
By following a complete healing process, you create space for all the emotions while ensuring that you won't backtrack.
You deserve the time and space to feel the pain of your heartbreak and heal from the inside out.
1 - You need to accept it
It doesn't matter how long the relationship was. You ultimately feel rejected for who you are. That is a deep emotional and mental wound that needs time and space to recover.
Losing a profound figure in your day-to-day life means learning to do things a little differently. You have to relearn and rewrite what it means for you to be alone.
Just because you're alone doesn't mean you're lonely. Learning how to be alone with yourself and enjoy your own company is one of the greatest strengths you can ever learn.
But, being alone means something else after a heartbreak. It means you have to face your emotions.
2 - You need to cry it out
Keeping yourself busy and distracted can work for a short time. You'll avoid the inevitable for a while, but not forever. But that time is coming, and it'll often surprise you at a less-than-ideal time.
If you've just been dumped, make time to be sad. Make time to be alone with your feelings. Make time to let yourself go through the stages of grief. You deserve it. More than that, you need it.
When you avoid feeling your feelings, you're avoiding your truth. You don't have complete control of everything you feel. Losing someone in a breakup is like losing a version of yourself. You deserve to cry over that loss and go through those grief stages.
So be honest with yourself and make sure you prioritize your emotions. You can schedule time each day to be upset, maybe ten minutes of crying, when you get home from work. Or a once a week breakdown on a Sunday night. Whatever works for you, literally schedule it into your life.
That way, you're prioritizing your healing and speeding up the healing process.
3 - You need to make it a clean break
Especially if they dumped you, delete them.
Erase their contact from every possible place.
Same thing if you dumped them and are still devastated. You ended it to make sure that this break is final and that you can't go back easily.
You don't have to delete all your pictures or anything. Maybe move them to a secret album where you won't see them for a while. But remove any means of begging for them to take you back.
Also, don't try to "be friends" any time soon. Being friends with exes isn't easy. It's something that takes a great deal of self-control and time. Tell them you need space first if you genuinely want to be friends with them after the breakup. They'll understand if they're good people and wait for you to reach out to them.
4 - You need to cleanse your space
Cleansing is a very big (and yet underrated) step. As one of the last stages of grieving, you deserve a new, blank canvas to be yourself. Start by throwing out things or putting away things that remind you of your now ex. Put away the pictures, gifts, or anything similar.
This needs to be a space for you and only you.
Clean out your wardrobe, get rid of things you don't wear anymore. Scrub your space from top to bottom and even try moving the furniture around a bit. Changing your immediate area can be a tremendous help on your self-healing journey.
5 - You need self-care
There are all kinds of things that count as self-care. The important thing is defining what it means to you, especially at this moment.
Self-care may usually be going for jobs and hiking on the weekends. But now that you've lost a partner, self-care may be different.
Perhaps you need to eat a tub of ice cream and rewatch every episode of Sex in the City. Maybe you need three bubble baths and a gallon of chocolate milk a day, and that's okay. Define what self-care means to you in this time and find ways to give it to yourself.
The important thing here is not to go overboard. It's easy to get lost in new and unhealthy habits like eating tons of junk food. What starts as a once-in-a-while thing becomes a habit. You know you'll need different things for a little while, so make sure it stays a little while.
While it's hard to plan your healing, be fair and try to give yourself a defined period of time to be upset. Maybe a day, a week, a month. But being fully engulfed in your unhealthy coping mechanisms should only be temporary. Set a boundary around it and stick to it.
6 - You need friends and support
Choosing to spend time alone and heal is essential, but getting out there and being around people who love you.
You've lost a significant source of oxytocin and dopamine.
It'll take your brain a while to adjust.
Make that transition easier by spending time with people you love who help you fill your cup.
Picking one for two friends to be your confidants or sherpas through this devastating time can be immensely helpful.
Tell them what you need, what you're feeling, and what boundaries you're setting for your grieving period.
They can help support you and help keep you on track to reach your full healing potential.
7 - You need a hobby
Especially if you were in a long relationship, you'll need to find things to fill your space and time.
Finding a new hobby or just trying out several new hobbies can be an incredibly cathartic way to heal.
Hobbies help you gain confidence, help you work through past pain, and rediscover who you are.
From beekeeping to mountain climbing, you do whatever suits you.
Maybe lean on your breakup sherpa for some ideas in your local area.
8 - You need to find a north star
You need a bigger reason for doing things. You need a bigger reason for healing.
What is your purpose?
What drives you?
What makes you feel accomplished?
Focus on whatever project or projects help guide you back to who you are and your core values.
You'll find your way back to yourself and, potentially, even the dating scene again.
When you know who you are and are firm in your identity, you'll always be there for yourself.
Dating coaching and breakups
Dating and relationships are challenging. But the most challenging part is losing one. Healing can take time, and it can be incredibly confusing. Asking for help or guidance is a sign of strength and growth. If you need help pulling yourself out of the post-break-up haze, contact me today. You will start rebuilding and restoring your glowing sense of confidence and self-belief.
“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.”
— Paulo Coelho
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