How to Handle Rejection From a Guy | A step-by-step guide to help you handle rejection
Dating is a vulnerable experience. You put your heart on your sleeve and try to put yourself out there with great care. But with vulnerability comes hurt, rejection, and questioning your worth. It's all part of the process of how to handle rejection from a guy.
Learning how to handle rejection gracefully and cope with it can be a process full of hurt. But on the other side of rejection is personal growth. You learn more about yourself and who you're looking for in your romantic life. These speed bumps aren't your fault. You can learn a few simple ways to help you deal with rejection from a guy you're dating.
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What is rejection?
Rejection is when you've been dumped, ghosted, or passed over by someone for a relationship. Everyone experiences heartbreak at some point in life, and man, that shit hurts. Your heart may feel like it's literally being torn into pieces. Whether it's rejection from a crush or someone you've been in a situationship with for ages, it feels terrible. I'm not here to diminish your feelings.
But what you can do, once you've finished grieving the loss, is move forward and use it as fuel for your dating flame. You'll be able to turn that painful rejection into productivity. It can fuel your burning fire for love and acceptance.
Not all rejection is romantic, of course. You can feel rejected by your peers, colleagues, and even your family. But often, rejection in your romantic life can cause the most pain.
How to handle rejection from a guy
Not all of these suggestions will apply to your situation. But if you're rereading that break-up text, or sulking about being ghosted, remind yourself that you're still in control.
You still have power in this situation.
It may be tempting to lash out and show them how badly they've hurt you, but resist that urge.
You're giving them your power when you show them how much they've hurt you. Take a day or more to carefully process and choose your words and actions before you act rashly out of real emotions.
1 - Question what your mind is telling you
When you're rejected, it's easy to start questioning everything about yourself and your self-worth. If this person has rejected you, that must mean that you're at fault, right?
Definitely not.
When you present your mind with a question, it's your brain's job to find the answer. So if you ask a loaded question such as" I deserved to be dumped, right?" Your mind will automatically fill in the blank with harmful and hurtful things.
It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're handling rejection from a guy. But question your own perception. Just because one person didn't want to be in a relationship with you doesn't mean there isn't anyone out there. It just means that this relationship is over, and you have the space and permission to move forward. That's all it is.
Don't ruminate and get stuck.
Process and move forward.
2 - Don't put up emotional walls
It's easy to put up emotional walls after you've been rejected. In fact, that seems like the most obvious choice. You put yourself out there, and it didn't work. Now you feel damaged and worthless. Someone else's rejection of you doesn't mean anything about your worth or dating prospects.
What it does is present you with a choice.
You can choose to label yourself as damaged goods or someone with more experience.
If you label yourself as damaged goods and project that onto future potential partners. When you do this you risk ruining relationships that could have evolved.
When dating, you need to be sure of just one thing, yourself.
When you're unsure of yourself, your date will sense that and be put off.
When you're ready for a healthy relationship, you'll stop letting your past define you and move forward confidently.
It may take time to dismantle those walls you've already built up. But take all the time you need. This isn't a sprint. It's a marathon.
3 - Don't blame yourself
Again, it's easy to make the rejection all about you and who you were in that relationship. Don't blame yourself. That blame exists exclusively in your own mind and isn't rational.
That person chose to walk away for their own reasons. You can try asking the reasons, but you're unlikely to get an honest or helpful answer.
What it means is that that person perceived that this wasn't the right match or time for them. It doesn't mean you have inherent character flaws. You just weren't their person.
And that's okay.
You don't want to be "that person" for just anyone. Especially one that walks away so easily. When you find "that person," they'll fight to be with you and make it work.
4 - Remember that he doesn't owe you anything
It doesn't matter how much time you invested in that person.
He doesn't owe you anything.
He doesn't owe you a relationship he doesn't want to be in. He doesn't owe you an explanation or any additional time. He has made a decision, and you have to respect that. Just like you would expect him to accept your rejection if you were in the break-up chair.
Respecting that he decided in his best interests is hard. But, you don't owe him anything at the end of the day.
You don't owe him an understanding reply, you don't owe him attention, you don't owe him shit.
Just like he doesn't owe you anything.
You only owe yourself the time and space to process.
5 - Realize that it wasn't meant to be
He's not your person. That's okay. It wasn't meant to be.
The only thing that was meant to be was that you learned an important lesson. Whether that's more about whom you're looking for, what you're not looking for, or how to handle rejection, it's your lesson.
Heartbreak and rejection will always line the path towards finding your special "someone." That's part of the journey.
It's there to teach you more about your own strength and purpose.
Rejection is there to remind you of what you're worth. And it's always going to be more than what you think.
You've been rejected, and you're one heartbreak closer to finding the man of your dreams.
6 - Rejection is normal
Rejection and disappointment are all part of the game. Just because you're ready to find that special someone, or at least you think you are, doesn't mean he'll magically appear.
Rejection is part of the dating process.
It's there to teach you more about yourself. To help prepare you for meeting that special someone. It's part of the process of dating.
While it hurts, you're not the only one going through it. You're just getting closer and closer to who you need to be to find that right person.
It's easy to make this rejection all about you, but it really isn't. It's part of the process. The sooner you accept that you will be hurt, the sooner you'll be able to find that person you'll share your life with. Stop living out of fear and start living out of love.
How to cope with rejection
Let's go through a step-by-step rejection coping period. This process is one I've used throughout my life. I've taught countless women to help them get through their grieving period after a rejection.
It puts you in a seat of power and control over your feelings and reactions. That way, you don't end up making decisions you'll later regret.
Step 1: Accept your feelings
When you've been rejected by a guy, that shit hurts. You need to sit with your emotions for a while. You're feeling that way for a reason, and your head and heart are trying to tell you something.
Listen to your own needs and be curious about the experience.
When you've been rejected in dating and are going through it. Do what you have to do to get back to baseline.
Spend time with your feelings and name them. You may feel hurt, devastated, angry, or frustrated. Whatever you're experiencing, try to name those feelings.
Be as specific as you can. Say out loud, "I feel angry and sad." When you take the time to name the emotions, you create space for them.
You have to give yourself time and space to process these emotions in any way you know. Perhaps it's going for a long walk, journaling, or meditating. Whatever you have to do, sit with those feelings and let yourself fully feel them. Do it.
When we repress our feelings or try to hide them, we prevent ourselves from experiencing closure.
Once you've gotten closure, which can be days, weeks, months, or even longer, give yourself the time you need.
Now, I'm not suggesting you wallow.
Try and transform these feelings into something tangible. Journal entries, miles walked, broken pottery. Whatever it is, transform your emotions into something tangible. Doing this gives you a sense of progress and movement in your life.
Step 2: Decide on a grieving period
No, I'm not going to give you some BS equation for how long you're allowed to grieve. No, that thing from Sex and the City of "half the time you were in a relationship" is totally BS.
When grieving, you need to set an appropriate boundary over how long you can be upset and suffer this loss. Maybe it's a single afternoon, perhaps a week or more. Set a date on your calendar and decide that you're allowed to spend time with your grief until then. But after that date, if you're still experiencing extreme sadness or anger, reach out and get professional help.
Don't be afraid to take some time off work.
Be courageous and ask for what you need.
Step 3: Externalize
Externalizing your feelings and experience can help you see things from new perspectives. Talking to a friend, parent, or someone else can help you process what you're going through.
It can help you figure out where things went wrong or hear their stories.
You're not the first person to deal with heartbreak, and you won't be the last. Therefore, you deserve just as much time and space as your loved one has needed in the past.
Make sure you let them know you need to vent, rant or be dramatic. When you preface what you're going to tell them with this kind of caveat, they'll be a much more empathetic ear. You've asked for their permission and been granted space to do what you need. To feel what you need to feel. Say what you need to say.
Keep this relatively private and isolated.
I strongly suggest avoiding posting on social media about your experience.
Sure, having the support of strangers can be helpful, but it can also add to your depression.
Step 4: Turn your feelings into something
Whether it's energy to work on a project, desire to go to the gym or to write an angry song. The best way to process things is to transform them into something else.
This helps your mind convert your learned lessons into long-term memory. This way you make positive and helpful adjustments that benefit your future self.
When you transform your feelings into something else, you're still sitting with your grief and processing it differently. Allowing the rest of your body to let go of your hurt feelings and move forward with your life.
Transform your rejection into something that helps you feel better and moves you forward if possible.
Step 5: Put self-care first
Revisit your self-care menu and make some adjustments. You may need additional self-care during and after your allowed grieving period. Self-care is whatever you understand it to be. Whatever feels like self-care to you. Some ideas for self-care activities to help you cope with rejection from a guy are:
Axe-throwing
Painting, drawing, or other forms of art
Archery
Shooting at a gun range
Writing music
Having a drink with your friends who will listen to you
Running, walking, or other physical activity
Whatever feels like it's filling your cup, do more of that. Work it into your schedule and prioritize your healing above all else.
Step 6: Move on with grace
Don't immediately start swiping on dating apps or planning a revenge fuck with his best friend.
Moving forward with grace means that you've taken the time to process your previous rejection and learned from it.
If you start hunting for the next guy immediately, you're likely to act and react out of fear of being hurt again. This can lead to some very irrational and dangerous choices for the sake of getting more male attention.
When you are ready to move on with your dating life, speak with a professional to move forward with the right type of guy.
Moving on after rejection from a guy
It hurts when you've been rejected, and moving on needs to be treated with grace, care, and patience. Instead of wasting your time with more heartbreaking deadbeats, move on with a plan by working with me as a dating coach.
I've learned how to handle rejection from a guy, and it is a skill set that takes time and mastery of self to get through.
Inquire with me when you're ready to process your rejection, grief, and trauma and move forward with your dating life. You'll have a specific step-by-step plan to help you avoid getting hurt again.
“Don’t let someone who isn’t worth your love make you forget how much you are worth.”
—Unknown
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