It isn't a secret that the responsibility for a better sex life rests with both partners. If you're in a long-term relationship, putting the pressure on a single partner to improve your sex life isn't fair. But for those who are uncomfortable, shy, or lack confidence in the bedroom, where are you supposed to start? Easy. Freedom and pleasure in your sex life start with you and dating yourself. Dating yourself is a form of self-care that you can do whether you're in a relationship or not. It is about cultivating a relationship with yourself and being curious about your wants, needs, and desires.

Spending time with yourself may sound kind of boring. But the impact it has will reach every aspect of your life, especially in the bedroom.

All products recommended are personally selected by me, Elaine S. Turner. I choose them and genuinely believe in them. However, this article may contain affiliate links. That means if you use that link to buy a product, I may earn a small affiliate commission, or tip, as I like to see it. You can learn more here if you have any questions about my affiliate policy.

What does “dating yourself” mean?

Dating yourself is like dating another person. Except you're taking yourself on dates, learning about yourself, and doing things with yourself. 

You can date yourself here and there or make it a regular habit. Generally, the more time you spend dating yourself, the more confident and self-aware you'll become. 

It is an act of radical self-love. It is a way of showing yourself that you are important and worthy of your own time. 

You've heard that phrase, "You can't love someone else until you love yourself." While that isn't a rule, it does have a kernel of truth to it. 

Entering a lasting and loving relationship is possible, but it will seriously stunt the growth.

If you don't know what you love, want, and desire, how can you expect someone else to figure it out for you?

Why is dating yourself important? 

Identity is a tricky thing. No doubt you've come across people in your life who lament that they don't know who they are. Or they're uncomfortable even going into public alone. It seems like they always need someone else around to validate their existence in any given space. 

This insecurity often comes from a place of not being comfortable with yourself or in your skin.

Despite being in your body 24/7, there is a disconnect between your identity and understanding your desires. 

When you spend time with yourself in a fancy way, you get to go wherever your heart desires! 

You can order exactly what you want at that restaurant you've wanted to try. You can go to that museum that your friends have no interest in. In a way, it is like giving yourself permission to do what you want to do.

5 reasons for dating yourself

If you tell your friends or loved ones you're taking yourself on a date, they may roll their eyes or be confused. That's their problem, not yours. There are many benefits of dating yourself that may make you want to suggest to them: 

Confidence

Time by yourself means that you get to think about your actual wants without the influence of others. Your happiness will only depend on you and not on others. When you become comfortable choosing things that make you feel happy and fulfilled, you'll feel fearless.

Get to know yourself better

When was the last time you questioned your inner monologue?

Have you ever investigated your passions, pet peeves, or funny quirks?

Likely you haven't.

When you start dating yourself, you'll find out all kinds of new things about yourself. Do you actually like ice in your water? Are you really a fan of impressionism? Are you the kind of person who puts money in a busker's guitar case? You'll never know until you're alone with yourself. 

No compromising

You get to be genuinely and unabashedly selfish.

You only have to take care of yourself and fulfill your desires. Been wanting to see that super gushy rom-com, but no one will go with you?

Take your damn self.

Been dying to go to that museum, but your friends think art is boring?

Guess what?

Taking yourself is easy because you don't even have to coordinate your schedule with anyone else!

Better relationships with other people

With friends, love interests, and family members.

Having a healthy relationship with yourself can translate into greater patience and empathy for others. 

Have more energy

You know that old saying - "you can't pour from an empty cup," right? It couldn't be more true. If you're feeling drained and listless, a date with yourself may be what you need. Spending time fulfilling your desires will fill you with joy, confidence, and optimism because guess what? You've already agreed to another date with yourself!

You're guaranteed to get lucky

Guess what? You're going to go home with yourself at the end of the night. Orgasm is almost guaranteed! Prepare ahead of time like you know you're going to get laid and make sure your bedroom feels sexy. 

The benefits of dating yourself are plentiful, and guess what?

Just like dating yourself, they're going to be unique to you!

Ideas for dating yourself

You're chomping at the bit to try this but have no idea where to start, right? There are plenty of ways you can date yourself both at home and out in the world. 

Make yourself dinner & a movie

Do you have something cued up on Netflix you've been dying to binge? Make it a date! Plan and make it fun. Buy yourself flowers, plan (or order in) a spectacular meal, and wash your snuggliest blanket. Invest in some luxurious self-care before, so you can thoroughly enjoy the experience.

A brunch date

Brunch is quaint, cute, and a very casual way to take yourself out. You can put on your cutest outfit, grab that book you've been meaning to finish, and enjoy every drop of that mimosa. Just make sure you put your phone away while you're savoring each bite. 

A bougie dinner date 

Take yourself out to a full luxurious dinner you've been wanting. Get dressed to the 9's and order everything you want from the menu, don't forget dessert!

A museum

Museums are always full of other people dating themselves. You've likely just never noticed. Find one near you that seems exciting and plan. Maybe you can catch a fascinating exhibit. 

Take a class

Have you been wanting to take a cooking or glassblowing class? No one to go with, right? So go by yourself. You deserve to learn any skill you want. You may even make friends while you're there on your date by yourself. 

Get lost

Get on a train or drive somewhere you've never been before and let yourself get lost. Explore a new town or a place you've called home for a long time. Meander up and down the streets, snack anywhere that catches your eye, linger in old bookshops. Whatever feels right, go for it. 

A picnic date

Picnics are super romantic. Stare up at the sky, read a book, or do some yoga. The world is your oyster! Pack or buy yourself a delicious lunch or dinner, maybe a bottle of bubbly, and lay in the sunshine. 

There is no limit to what kind of date you can take yourself on. If you've wanted to do something, then do it for yourself and by yourself! You'll be amazed at how good you feel afterward. 

How do I date myself?

Congratulations on deciding to date yourself! You may be confused about where to start, especially if you don't usually date.  Here are some helpful tips:

• Schedule a day and time - Of course, you can be spontaneous, but you need to plan if you're likely to chicken out. Create time in your schedule for yourself. Mark it on your calendar and make sure it is just for you. It can be easy to get nervous and invite someone else along, but don't do it! At least try it once. 

• Make a plan - Imagine you're planning it like a big third date with someone you're really into. You have plenty of information to work with. There are plenty of places and things you've wanted to do but haven't, so pick one! You can do whatever YOU want to do; you don't have to adjust to anyone's needs or moods. 

• Prepare like you're expecting a date - Clean your apartment, light some candles, or whatever sets the scene. You deserve to feel fully ready and cleansed when you date yourself. You should be the best version of yourself possible. 

• Get sexy - Spending your time preparing your outfit and what you want to bring. Doing this will help you feel more comfortable when you walk out the door. Dress up as you would on a date with someone else, except with less pressure! Show up as the most Instagrammable version of yourself for yourself. Don't forget the grooming and underwear (or not) also! You only have to impress yourself.

• Pack your bag - When you're out by yourself, you may feel uncomfortable in some circumstances. You can bring a book, magazine, or coloring book to make yourself feel busy and less open. 

• You're ready! - You're about to walk out the door on your first date by yourself, congratulations! Take your time with everything, savor each moment and take a deep breath. You don't have to entertain anyone else. You don't have to be considerate of anyone else's needs or about impressing anyone. All you have to do is be present and enjoy your day to yourself! 

How dating yourself will improve your sex life

One of the most common reasons people's sex lives aren't satisfying is that they don't know what they like. Therefore, they can't tell their partner what to do or how to do it. 

If you expect your partners to tell you what you enjoy, the learning curve is going to be a lifelong, uphill battle. 

So, just like fooling around with a new sexual partner for the first time, treat yourself the same way.

Make yourself feel sexy, shave your legs, trim your beard, and put on those new knickers. Do everything you want to do exactly the way you want to do it. Take yourself out (or stay in) for a fantastic day with yourself. 

When you're ready, get hot and heavy with yourself. That time you never spend on arousal when you masturbate? Spend it now. Massage your whole body, try pressure on new areas, and treat your response with curiosity and intrigue. 

Continue to do the same thing with your self-pleasure and masturbation. Find new ways to do something you've always enjoyed, try a new vibrator or position, whatever you want! Slow down, take time, and experiment. 

When you start looking at yourself as your own shiny, new sex partner, you're bound to get more excited. You get to explore yourself finally! 

Just like sex with another person, you're not going to learn everything after one or two dates. 

Make it a regular part of your schedule, and you'll start seeing results. 

If you're afraid to start dating yourself or need help with your sexual confidence, sex coaching can help you. Get in contact with me today to learn more ways to boost your sexual self-esteem.

“Some steps need to be taken alone. It’s the only way to really figure out where you need to be.”

— Mandy Hale

Want to learn more about sex, dating, and relationships?

Keep reading!

Do you want to contribute to the Sex With Elaine blog?

SEND ME AN EMAIL!

Enjoy this article?

THEN FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM!

Never miss another helpful tip.