Healthy Masturbation Habits: Everything you need to know about masturbation (the honest truth)
Masturbation is a healthy practice. It improves your mood, helps improve the quality of your sleep, and can help you get ready for a big date. Masturbation has been hidden away and avoided for far too long. It is a topic that should be discussed and normalized as part of the broader conversation about sexuality.
But is there such a thing as too much masturbation? Can you form a masturbation addiction? How can you maintain healthy masturbation habits? These are all things we will discuss today so you know how to build healthy masturbation habits for the rest of your life.
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What is masturbation?
You'd be surprised, but I get this question a lot.
Masturbation is when you self-stimulate in a sexual manner which can lead to sexual gratification. For many, the focus of masturbation is orgasm and sexual release. For others, it's about setting the mood and experimenting with their body and fantasies. Whatever your reason for masturbation is, it nearly always involves the genitals.
Masturbation for vulva-owners
Most vulva-owners identify as women, so that's what we're going to focus on here.
Women who masturbate often concentrate on their clitoral region for self-pleasure. The clitoris is the most efficient and reliable way for most women to experience orgasms.
During masturbation, a woman will play with her clitoris using her hands or a sex toy for pleasure.
Some women also enjoy internal pleasure in the vagina. It isn't a common place for women to experience orgasms internally. However, the feeling of being "filled up" is referred to as "containment." The sense of containment is very arousing for many with a vagina. Therefore, another common masturbation technique is to combine internal sensations with clitoral play.
Masturbation for penis-owners
The majority of people with a penis identify as male, so that's what we'll focus on here.
For men, masturbation often involves direct hand-to-penis stimulation. Most commonly, men wrap their hand around the base of their penis and move up and down to provide themselves pleasure.
The main areas of stimulation for penis owners are the head of the penis and the frenulum.
The frenulum is on the underside of the penis, where there is the shape of a "V." These are the most sensitive parts of the penis and often provide the most pleasure.
Many men also enjoy manual stimulation of their testicles and their perineum.
The perineum is a soft spot between the testicles and the anal opening. When pressure is applied here, you can indirectly stimulate the prostate.
Anal masturbation
Many people deem anal pleasure to be above and beyond what they experience with their genitals. Therefore, anal masturbation very much deserves to be part of the conversation. Everyone has an anus.
Everyone can experiment with anal pleasure!
There are several areas here that you can experiment with. The anal opening is filled with sensitive nerves that respond well to fingertips, pressure, and vibrations. Sticking a finger or two inside can often be a very erotic experience.
Anal anatomy differs between men and women.
Men have the prostate gland, which is found about a finger's length in the anus, towards the belly button. It has the shape and size of about half a walnut but not the texture or hardness. When you apply consistent pressure or vibrations here, men can experience a unique and powerful orgasm.
Women have an area called the "O-spot" found at the top of the anal canal on the belly-button side of their body. When something longer is in the anus, women can also experience a unique type of orgasm. An orgasm that isn't typically experienced through vaginal penetration.
There are all types of ways to masturbate anally. Just make sure you're using something with a flared base, so it doesn't get stuck up there. Also, remember that lubricant is always necessary. Your anus does not create its own lubrication. Therefore some silicone-based lubricant can go a long way.
Is masturbation healthy?
Yes, masturbation is very healthy when done regularly and with care. Masturbation has been linked to many benefits, such as:
Improved quality and duration of sleep
Healthier appearing skin
Improved mood
Improved focused
Improved self-confidence and self-esteem
Reduced stress
Reduction in sexual tension
Help with the treatment of sexual difficulties
Relieve pain from menstrual cramps or headaches
Helps tone and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles
When done as part of a self-care practice, masturbation is a powerful way to improve your quality of life.
Is there such a thing as too much masturbation?
There isn't a clear-cut answer here. It really depends on a variety of factors. A few factors significantly impact whether your masturbation habits are healthy are:
Your age
When going through puberty and adolescence, you have a surplus of hormones in your body.
Remember that this period doesn't end until well into your 20s.
These sex hormones do what evolution intended, pushing you to seek sexual pleasure.
But, these hormones want you to have sex with other people as a way to procreate.
If you're still in your 20s or younger, then you may find your masturbation habits worrying.
Daily masturbation is perfectly healthy when done in a healthy way, as we'll discuss shortly.
Your feelings
Self-pleasure and masturbation cause different people different feelings. Ideally, you'll experience a sense of euphoria and relief after masturbation. But for many, this isn't the case. Many of you may struggle with feelings of guilt, anxiety, or shame around masturbation. Only you know whether that's brought on by your upbringing, religious affiliations, or other concerns.
If you feel guilty about your masturbation habits, talk with me about it today.
Your responsibilities
It can be so easy to forget all responsibilities and choose to masturbate instead. You'll likely do this often, especially in your early 20s.
That's perfectly okay, so long as you're not causing undue harm to your loved ones and are still getting things done overall.
If you're avoiding social gatherings, harming relationships, or engaging in high-risk masturbation activities, keep track. That's the only real cause for concern.
Masturbation as a crutch
We all have coping mechanisms that we rely on in times of stress.
Coping mechanisms are ways to seek out dopamine to deal with the stress and anxiety in daily life. There are countless healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, eating delicious food, and getting a hug.
But you may create harmful habits if you rely on masturbation to cope with anger, disappointment, and sadness.
Masturbation addiction
Sex addictions take up a lot of airspace in the media these days. While not classified as a true "addiction" by medical boards, compulsive behaviors are very real. If you find that you meet any of these criteria for your masturbation habits, speak with me today:
Masturbation takes up an excess of your time and energy.
You are escalating your masturbation habits involving public areas or other high-risk places with potential legal ramifications.
You experience stress, shame, or guilt around your masturbation habits.
As a penis owner, you are experiencing delayed ejaculation with a partner or erectile dysfunction.
You feel guilt, shame, or confusion about your masturbation habits.
Masturbation is part of being a healthy, sexual person, and it isn't anything to be ashamed of. However, suppose you're causing harm to yourself or others through your masturbation habits. In that case, it's worth getting professional support and insight about the concern.
Healthy masturbation habits
Healthy masturbation habits can form the basis of a healthy sex life. When you practice regular masturbation with care and concern, you can improve the quality of your sex life. You can also learn about yourself if you masturbate with curiosity and an open mind. You may be surprised by the kinky things you discover along your self-pleasure journey. These avenues of sexual exploration may later define who you are as a sexual being. That's a great thing!
Kinks are perfectly healthy. Once you discover your own kink, my first word to you is, Congratulations! You're among the sexually woke.
But if you're new to masturbation or are trying to build healthier habits, consider some of these to get started.
Use porn sparingly
Porn is a great way to get visual stimulation and inspiration for masturbation. But, relying on porn for sexual stimulation can trick your brain into forming harmful sexual expectations. Rather than rely on porn, try using your own fantasies to play with yourself!
Try listening to erotic stories, reading erotica, or mutually masturbating with someone! We support whatever gets you going and helps you enjoy yourself the most. Just remember that porn is like dessert. It's okay sometimes, but not all the time.
Don't rush things
Masturbation should be treated like a form of authentic self-care.
When you take your time, set the scene, and treat it like a special occasion, you're learning healthy sex habits as well. Masturbation and self-pleasure in all forms should involve sensual play, similar to foreplay, throughout.
So take your time and set a romantic scene for yourself. Take a bath, put on some tunes, and enjoy the erotic experience you're creating.
When you rush through masturbation, you're teaching yourself some unhealthy sex habits. For men, if you masturbate too quickly, you may experience early or premature ejaculation later.
For women, it can cause some unrealistic expectations for what you get from sexual partners.
Regardless of gender, take your time and make it an indulgent activity.
Be open-minded
Just because you masturbate to it doesn't mean you're really into it.
Masturbation is about living out fantasies. Indulging yourself in many fantasies is perfectly healthy.
Many become concerned when their fantasies turn "dark" or take them down a taboo path.
I say, keep walking down that path!
You'll learn more about yourself and your sexual needs on the journey.
For penis-owners - relax your grip
Many penis-owners become accustomed to having the "death grip" on their cock during masturbation. That tight feeling can help you ejaculate faster and feels damn good. But, if you always use a firm grip around your penis, you may notice that partnered sex is less stimulating. That's because you're used to a type of touch and tightness that no human body can compete with.
It's okay to use it occasionally. But generally, keep a realistic grip around your penis during solo sex. Alternatively, you can also use a Fleshlight or other type of masturbator to help prepare you for partnered sex. Getting used to something similar to a realistic vagina or anus can be helpful for you.
For women - no, you can't become addicted to your vibrator
That's way too common of a myth that just needs to stop. Vibrators and other sex toys are a great way to maximize your pleasure potential. No, you won't dump your boyfriend just because you got a new sex toy.
Sex toys are just tools to help enhance your solo-sex experience.
But do use them with care. You can bruise your clitoris if you use really powerful ones for an extended time.
Keep it in a relatively short time frame if you're using a powerful vibrator. Under 30 minutes of direct stimulation for standard wand style is a good benchmark.
For suction-type vibrators like the ones invented by Womanizer, stick with ten minutes or less.
If orgasms during partnered sex become challenging, give your vibrator a few days off.
You just need time to get adjusted back to manual, partnered stimulation.
Masturbation in relationships
In my personal and professional opinion, masturbation in relationships is a must. It's unfair to expect your partner to be solely responsible for your sexual pleasure and gratification. It puts unfair expectations on the board for everyone.
But if your partner feels strongly that you shouldn't masturbate without the other person, you need to have a chat. It could cause harm to your relationship in the long run.
Your sexual pleasure belongs to you, not anyone else. Sharing sexual pleasure with someone you are about can be a powerful experience. But being reliant upon each other for all sexual pleasure creates harmful expectations.
Not everyone masturbates
I'm here to normalize and make masturbation a more comfortable topic. So, let's talk about the elephant in the room.
It's okay if you don't masturbate.
You don't have to do it, and no one should make you feel that way.
Many people report not feeling erotically charged during attempts at solo sex. Sometimes you may not have the sexual drive to do it.
That's perfectly healthy and normal.
Just because "everyone is doing it" doesn't mean you have to. You're in control of your own sexual pleasure, especially if you want it or not.
Masturbation and sex coaching
Masturbation is a standard tool you'll encounter in sex coaching. I use it as a way for you to learn about yourself and discover different paths of pleasure.
But, if your masturbation habits are causing you distress or feel unhealthy, I'm always here to talk. Unhealthy and compulsive masturbation can be troubling conditions that deserve support to be addressed.
Alternatively, if you're uncomfortable with masturbation, sex coaching may be the right avenue for you.
Contact me today if you want to start living your best solo-sex life.
“Masturbation is always safe. You not only control the person you’re with, but you can leave when you want to.”
— Dudley Moore
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