Still Struggling to Have the Big O? - Female masturbation advice from a sexologist
Masturbation is vital for your mental, emotional, and physical health. Masturbation is the act of exploring your body and what sensations you enjoy. It's meant to be a pleasure-filled experience focused on the journey, not the destination. Too many people concentrate on the orgasmic aspect of masturbation. That's just a single second. The whole experience is meant to bring pleasure and intimate personal knowledge. This female masturbation guide is designed, so you can explore your body and your sensuality.
This isn't meant to be a one-and-done experience. If you're here for a shortcut in your sexual life, then stop reading here. To find the next pill that promises immediate and amazing results.
If you want to ease your period cramps, improve mental clarity, and restore your sex drive, then this is the place for you. It will take some time and effort, but just add it to your self-care recipe list.
All products recommended are personally selected by me, Elaine S. Turner. I choose them and genuinely believe in them. However, this article may contain affiliate links. That means if you use that link to buy a product, I may earn a small affiliate commission, or tip, as I like to see it. You can learn more here if you have any questions about my affiliate policy.
Is female masturbation harmful?
The idea that masturbation causes harm to women has prevented bodily exploration for generations.
Even today - in sexual health class (if you were lucky enough to have it), the focus was on the boy's need to masturbate - and nothing about the girl's.
Where were the women in there?
The young girls who are learning about their bodies?
Those women who are too stressed to remember to take care of themselves?
Those women who have faked orgasms over and over again because they don't know how to experience one?
Masturbate for these women.
Masturbate for yourself.
Masturbate for a better today, tomorrow, and a brighter future for your children (if you want them.)
Health benefits of female masturbation
Before you try to find a reason to feel wrong about masturbation - consider some of the benefits it's been linked to:
It helps you relax by lowering your stress levels
Releases neurochemicals and endorphins to put you in a better mood
It can help relieve the pain and discomfort of period cramps
It can help improve your sleep
Masturbating regularly can boost your libido
It's good for your heart
And much more!
As if boosting your libido and relieving period cramps isn't enough!
Is it cheating to masturbate while you're in a relationship?
Masturbation within a relationship is an excellent way for you to stay in touch with your body.
It's usually one of the first things I recommend to clients who suffer from low sex drive.
Having a self-care routine that includes masturbation can help improve your relationship on many levels, such as:
Learning what you want in bed so you can communicate it clearly to your partner
Understanding your arousal cycle deeply
Allows you time to connect with yourself on a sexual level
Reawaken your sexual identity
Experiment with new pleasure products and toys in a low-stress environment
Learn how to have different types of orgasms
No performance anxiety
Boosting your sexual confidence with a partner
There isn't any downside to masturbation whether you're in or out of a relationship.
But, it's only fair that you have these kinds of conversations with your partner. They may feel differently.
Know what is important to you before you initiate the 'is masturbation cheating' conversation. Know what your limits and boundaries are, but also keep an open mind.
If one person gets to pleasure themselves, all partners should get that opportunity and right. (Unless you're specifically into that, of course.)
I've never masturbated before - is there something wrong with me?
Absolutely not!
Women aren't taught that masturbation is even an option, let alone something healthy for them.
From a young age, most females are taught that those are 'private places' and that you shouldn't touch them. Yet, you're supposed to be a sex genius on your wedding night - go figure.
If you've never masturbated before, don't worry! We've got you covered with a lot of fun ways to get started.
Different types of female masturbation
So many women are confused about the right way to masturbate.
Guess what?
There is no such thing.
Just like your style, the way you do your makeup, and your secret midnight snack recipe - you do you!
It's all about enjoying yourself and figuring out what you like.
But, there are special areas you can target during masturbation to bring you new types of pleasure.
The clitoris
Read this article if you don't know where your clitoris is.
It's an entire organ that runs throughout your pelvis. It's the powerhouse of female orgasms and sexual pleasure.
Found at the top part of the vulva - visible genitalia of female - and just under the clitoral hood is a little pleasure-bean packed with power.
This is the most popular pleasure zone to play with during female masturbation, and I highly recommend it!
To tease this area, you can use your fingers, the palm of your hand, pressure, or a vibrator.
As you become more and more aroused, you'll notice that your clitoris becomes erect and has a firmness to it.
Vaginal - V-spot
Far from the most popular orgasmic area, the V-spot is found at the lower half of the vaginal entry.
To stimulate this zone, you usually need a lot of pressure and optional vibrations.
Think about stretching yourself more than anything.
Consider using 4+ fingers, a thick dildo, or a vibrator with a handle, so you can control the pleasure with care!
Vaginal - the G-spot
The G-spot is a tricky one.
Found a finger's length inside the vagina on the belly button wall side - the G-spot may not be easy to find.
That is for many reasons. Its sensitivity varies based on your menstrual cycle and arousal.
If you generally have trouble finding this area, consider getting a curved sex toy to help you with it. But note that the G-spot rarely enjoys vibrations.
You want the 'come hither motion with a few fingers to pleasure this area.
Vaginal - the A-spot
Found much deeper in the vagina, you may struggle to reach this without a sex toy or a partner's help.
While masturbating, consider getting a curved dildo or vibrator that can go deep inside you. Similar to the G-spot, the A-spot is found on the belly button sidewall of the vagina. It's close to your cervix (aka the end of your vagina.)
To pleasure this area, you will need a minimum of 15-25 minutes of dildo-pumping action. It takes consistent stimulation to experience an orgasm from this area if you do at all. If you don't - don't worry! The clitoris is where all the real fun is at, after all.
Anal - the O-spot
If you recall our article on the Deep Vaginal Erogenous Zones, you know you have many pleasure options.
The O-Spot is found behind the cervix on the spine side of your body. The easiest way to bring pleasure to this area is through anal pleasure.
Now anal isn't usually a jump-right-into-it thing. It takes time, anal masturbation, and often, training. Check out our whole four-part anal series before you start with your anal play!
Erogenous zones
As always, your entire body is an erotic canvas to explore.
Many women find that their nipples, inner thighs, and even mental adventures can make them orgasm.
Some women struggle to orgasm at all.
That is the benefit of exploring your erogenous zones.
You will become more in tune with your pleasure experience!
Try a Pleasure Mapping exercise to make the most out of your solo-sex exploration journey.
Combination/blended orgasms
These are an option for those who can enjoy pleasure from multiple orgasmic points simultaneously. Toys like the rabbit-style vibrator are ideal for first-time combo-orgasm seekers.
But, again, not everyone experiences pleasure the same. For many women, the dual stimulation is distracting. While it may be pleasurable - they aren't able to orgasm while two things are being stimulated simultaneously.
Whatever you go for, try it more than once. And keep trying until you get the experience you want.
Top tips for female masturbation
The female sexual experience is vastly different from the male sexual experience. For men, it's linear from erection to orgasm. For women, it's a bit more subtle and can take more time and nuance.
As a sexologist, this is the path I strongly recommend you take.
Making solo sex a ritual and something special means that you'll get more joy and pleasure out of the experience.
Make a day of it
As I discussed in my How to Date Yourself article, spending time by yourself is crucial for building self-confidence.
When you take an entire day to bring yourself mental and emotional pleasure, you can heighten your sexual pleasure.
Set the scene
Getting distracted by a messy drawer or an email you need to respond to happens.
It's a big reason why mismatched desire is so common in relationships.
So, to ensure that you're going to focus, clear the things you know will distract you.
Put your phone on “do not disturb” mode or airplane mode and spend time with yourself.
You can light candles, put on some music, whatever makes you feel desirable.
Indulge in self-care first
If you're new to masturbation, you're likely going to be nervous about trying things for the first time.
Or, you have a hectic life and just need to fill your mental well-being tank up before you masturbate.
Get in tune with your emotions and body by taking a warm bath, dancing around, or anything you enjoy.
Take your time
Female sexual arousal is an actual process.
Your body needs that time, so give it the time it deserves.
Before going straight to the pleasure center you're after, use your whole body as an erotic canvas. Massage yourself, trace a vibrator over you, watch something sexy. Whatever gets you turned on.
No visual stimulus while masturbating
Your mind is a horizon of endless fantasies and possibilities.
Porn and what you find online is limiting and often distracting.
Use visual stimulus to get your engines going during arousal. But once you start touching yourself, put it down and create a fantasy in your head.
Make a fantasy
A fantasy where YOU are the main character.
This fantasy is all about fulfilling your wildest sexual desires, so get creative!
If you're dying for inspiration, then grab an erotic novel or flick through some porn genres.
But don't be afraid to experiment and get weird!
You're your only limit.
When you're the center of your fantasy, it can also help you experience maximum pleasure.
If you're using a sex toy, try and pair the fantasy sexual stimulus with reality.
For example, if someone is performing oral sex on you in your fantasy, opt for a sucking vibrator.
If it's a person stimulating you with your hands in your imagination, use your own hands.
You get the idea.
The most important thing here is to have fun! Masturbation and solo sex are self-care activities that deserve your time and attention.
You deserve pleasure, and if you struggle to have an orgasm, this is your starting point. Masturbation is the most incredible sexual educator you'll ever have.
Spend as much time as you can on it because you deserve it.
Masturbation as a coaching exercise
If you're waiting to sign up for sex, dating, or relationship coaching with me, then think about your masturbation habits. They're always going to be a starting point when working with me.
Masturbation will unlock new doors of erotics, and sexual pleasure like you wouldn't believe. You won't believe it until you try it.
If you need help with your female masturbation and solo sex practices, contact me today.
“You can be a businesswoman, a mother, an artist and a feminist - whatever you want to be - and still be a sexual being. It’s not mutually exclusive.”
—Beyoncé
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