Habits of Successful Relationships - How to make your relationship healthier and happier
You're here because you want to have a successful long-term relationship. And I congratulate you on identifying that desire! But how will you be able to determine if you're in a healthy relationship? To find the love of your life, you need to start developing successful relationship habits. Knowing these success habits, you can practice them on your own and when you enter into an intimate relationship.
These habits may seem evident to many. But they may not be so apparent to others who grew up around unhealthy relationships.
To start incorporating these habits into your relationship, start developing them in yourself first.
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How can I develop the habits of a successful relationship?
Relationships aren't all roses and slow dances.
They're hard work and cultivated in each small decision you make. Actively choosing to assess and move forward with mutually respectful decisions takes active effort.
Let's be honest, not everyone is at a place in their lives where they can be respectful of every decision another person makes.
That takes time, self-development, and some down-to-earth self-awareness.
And that's okay!
You can also think of your journey to a successful relationship as a self-development journey. Because that's what it really is.
Successful relationships are that way because people know themselves and how to ask for what they want. Successful relationships are defined just as much by what you do as by what you don't do. While you're reading this, don't try to rate yourself on a pass-fail scale. Just focus on ways you can develop these successful relationship habits with yourself first.
#1 - You've learned each other's languages.
You and your partner speak different languages.
You have developed different styles of communication, needs, and personality challenges that make you who you are. Those things are who your partner falls in love with. But, they're also places of potential resistance as relationships develop. Think of it as simply speaking your own language.
Imagine you were plopped into a new country where you couldn't speak the language. You would have to find a way to communicate effectively to get your basic needs met.
The same goes for relationships. You need to learn and intimately understand your own languages and systems of communication. Doing this means you can explain them to your partner. Otherwise, how will they ever know what you want?
Likewise, you must learn their languages and ask questions to know what they need in various circumstances.
These aren't just the love languages, by the way.
I’m talking about the languages you use when you fight, when you're upset, and when you're disappointed.
You'll notice that you speak all kinds of different dialects. These various dialects which can make clearly communicating your needs challenging.
To be more self-aware and more aware of your partner's needs, you'll need practice. Over time, you'll be better able to understand each other's needs and languages. This practice will obviously come with some trial-and-error, but that's where real learning happens!
#2 - You don't keep score
Most people are generally competitive. A lifetime of watching sports and playing games can do that to you. There's nothing wrong with being competitive in general, except when it comes to your relationship.
To have a successful relationship, many people say things need to be 50/50.
But in reality, successful relationships move and adjust based on facts.
Sometimes your partner may be in a depression cycle, and you have to pick up the slack, making things more like 80/20.
Or perhaps you have some family trauma and need all the help you can get. Things shift to 90/10.
An honest, authentically successful relationship isn't about keeping score. It's about accepting that your partner is a human and needs your help sometimes, just like you'll need theirs.
Throwing things back in another person's face is an example of being toxic.
Does that sound like you?
Authentic, successful relationships don't keep score.
You need to accept that things change, and as a couple and an individual, you'll find a way to adapt.
So put down that scorecard and just be who your partner needs you to be every day you can.
#3 - You're willing to negotiate.
Happy and successful relationships are all about negotiating.
While that may not sound fun to everyone, it's a necessary quality you'll have to develop over time.
Negotiation and compromise mean that both of you can feel heard, communicate your expectations and be mutually satisfied.
Some days will be more about you, some will be more about them, and some will be more about your relationships with others.
That's okay.
Your needs, expectations, and circumstances will change with each new day, and that's the nature of life.
Negotiation can be challenging for some who feel they're compromising on their boundaries. If that's the case, you have to speak up for yourself. Clearly explain how you're feeling and what you'd like your partner to do differently.
You'll likely get nowhere if you're passive-aggressive or hide your feelings. In fact, you may end up ruining what relationship you already have.
Learn how to compromise on your needs and feel confident telling your partner when it is their turn to compromise.
#4 - You communicate openly and are authentic in your emotions.
Communication is the foundation of all relationships.
After all, how could you fall in love with someone if you didn't have ways to explain who you are? Initially, you may have been able to give them a single look to convey your desires. But people and relationships evolve over time, just like your needs will.
To have a successful long-term relationship, you need to feel comfortable asking for what you want in a manner your partner understands and can meet.
You also have to be patient and understand that your partner is a whole-ass other person by themselves.
They have stories, friends, and desires of their own.
Therefore, they'll hear your needs and try to help them get them met when they can.
This is a two-way road, of course.
The critical formula to a successful relationship?
Communicating your desires + having your partner listen to those desires + giving everyone time to meet needs in their own way and own time = a successful relationship.
You're not two halves of a whole. That's a toxic perspective.
You're two whole, grown-ass adults making decisions and taking action together.
You come with your own needs, baggage, and challenges. Accept that you're human and that every day will bring a new learning curve.
#5 - You give your partner more attention whenever they ask for it.
Attention, like intimacy, comes in all different shapes, sizes, and levels.
Some people need more of it than others, and that's okay.
To have a successful relationship, you must identify when your partner wants or needs your attention. Doing this will make things smoother for you to help meet each other's expectations.
It may be a kiss, a cuddle, a date night, sexual intimacy, or any other form of attention. But, you need to be willing to give generously wherever you can.
Healthy relationships are all about being devoted to and loving each other. It's about being weird together and spoiling your partner however possible.
So, when your partner asks for attention, or you feel they need some, give them more than they could ask for.
Make them feel like the most important and loved world in the world.
This perspective of spoiling your partner with affection is a way to help develop and maintain a healthy relationship.
The key word there is maintain. This can't just be at the beginning of your honeymoon phase. Maintaining the amount of attention you give your partner is crucial for a lifelong bond. So be ready to ask for the attention you want, and be willing to provide the same amount of attention you receive.
#6 - You get to be all of you
Everyone is weird.
Everyone is a freak.
Everyone is afraid they'll be rejected by others for showing who they really are.
In a healthy and successful relationship, you need to be able to let your freak flag fly pretty much all the time. And your partner needs to let theirs do the same.
Being your fabulously weird self with another person can be the most freeing experience of your life.
But it takes trust and a sense of mutual safety and vulnerability to cultivate that stunning zone of strangeness.
So, start testing the waters by being yourself alone.
Dance naked around the apartment, stare far too long at an oddly colored bird and spend hours and hours on your Minecraft world. Whatever you like doing the most, your partner should support you.
That's one of the defining factors of a successful relationship. Just how comfortable you both are being yourselves.
So let it all hang out, baby!
#7 - Never stop dating your partner.
This is one of the most critical aspects of maintaining a healthy and successful relationship.
By continuing to spoil your partner, you can almost guarantee that all aspects of intimacy within your relationship will continue to develop.
Relationship development can happen on so many planes that you may be spoiled for choice!
But your relationship may become stagnant when you stop looking for that evolution, development, and opportunities to grow together.
So, to keep things interesting, keep the intimacy alive, and hopefully end up like those older couples in Cialis commercials, keep dating your partner.
You can take turns on date nights to keep things easy and ensure your partner feels spoiled! Let them choose the place, the time, what you order, and even what you do in the bedroom at the end. Then, next time, it's your turn. That way, everyone's needs and desires are met, and everyone feels lusciously spoiled.
How can I have a healthy relationship?
There are so many different dimensions that make up a healthy relationship.
The most important ones are all based on yourself, your self-awareness, and your relationships with yourself. Learning how to communicate, compromise, and spoil others may not come naturally to you, and that's okay. It's likely because you were never taught how to do those things.
Many of us grew up with unhealthy relationship and intimacy models. We have been left up shit's creek without a paddle regarding expectations.
If that resonates with you, maybe you need some guidance. Start your self-development today, so you can find your successful relationship tomorrow. Get started by contacting me today.
“A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.”
— Unknown
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